Here are two quick stories; lest I feel guilty about ignoring this space!
Both stories revolve around the same solitary diamond pendant. No wonder he got terrified when I sent it to him for a first read. He wrote back "Is this some kind of a hint???" :-)
Disclaimer : I don't want one. Don't you worry!
So here goes..
Women Empowerment
"Surprise!"
He opened the blue box, and there it was, the sparkling solitary diamond pendant.
"Damn it! You spent your bonus on this??"
"Don't tell me you don't like it! You think I didn't catch you checking this out at the jeweler's and keeping it back last weekend?"
"Gaaawwwdd..damn it damn it..so your dream DSLR?"
"Next time, next bonus.. I can wait, baby!"
"Dumbo!", and she walked into the bedroom.
"Whats the matter with you?", he followed her to the wardrobe holding the blue box.
"Here, have a look. I got my bonus yesterday", she said and placed a blue box in his other hand.
He opened, and there it was, the same sparkling solitary diamond pendant.
Absent minded Hubby
"Surprise!"
He opened the blue box, and there it was, the sparkling solitary diamond pendant.
Her face turned to dismay. "Damn it! Did you REALLY buy this for my birthday??"
"Don't tell me you didn't like this! I know you have always wanted a solitary diamond pendant"
"Oh yes, I do, but not so much that you should keep getting me exactly the same pendant year after year for my birthday.
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
On wedding Invitations/Response in Kerala
I can't be sure if this is an exclusively-mallu phenomenon but many Keralite would have come across such things at some point of their life.
Weddings, for the parents of Mallu grooms and brides, is a litmus test of their social-skills.Most often, they go much beyond litmus test and turn out to be a memory test, public speaking test,vocabulary test, writing skill test, management skill test and not to mention, physical and mental ability test as well.
And if you fail in any of these tests, there would be a sizeable fall in the number of guests, which is the only other parameter, along with the number of payasams in the sadya, that determine how "grand" the wedding was.
Now, what are the stimuli for a fall in the number/displeasure of mallu guests at a given wedding?
1) "He sent me an invitation over post! He is probably settled in Mumbai. But can't he come here and invite us all in person! We needn't attend this wedding. We shall tell him that we are attending Unnikrishnan's mother's niece's husband's brother's son's wedding on the same day! Halla Pinne! "
2) Now a look at the invitation. "Check this.. he has written 'We invite you with family'.. he has missed the word 'cordially' and he has addressed it to 'Mr. Gopalakrishnan and family'.. not 'Mr & Mrs. Gopalakrishnan & family'! Is this how you invite family! Bah!"
3) Now, suppose he did come all the way from Mumbai to invite in person, this is how things will move."Wedding is in Thrissur? How will we come? Have you arranged bus for all of us from here? What? Bus is from Trivandrum? You have not arranged bus from Cochin?? Thats so difficult!"
4) Now if bus is also arranged to have them taken from Cochin to Thrissur, there is another glitch. "Remember, when we invited him for our son's wedding last year, he didn't even acknowledge the invitation sent by post. And all he sent was a telegram wish. That was late by 2 days. Chetta, Should we go?"
5) Finally after much thought Chettan and Chechi decide to go. Along with them are chechi's sister, her kids and chechi's aged amma and achan. Once there Chettan again has a problem. Groom's Achan is not seen at the Mandapam's gate. Where is he! He should have come to welcome us!! After all, we are his grand father's brother's wife's sister's son and family!
6) Thats when he sees groom's father and mother on the mandapam, blessing the newly wedded couple and carrying out other rituals. Chettan remarks "See, this is why I told you we should not have come! That guy is busy on stage. He doesn't bother if we came or not!"
7) At the lunch, the exhausted father of the groom comes to say thanks to all the guests who have joined. At chettan's place "Hows the sadya?". Chettan says "It is great mone! Kalakki!" and once he leaves, chettan whispers to chechi "The rice is not even cooked well! And the pappadam is over!"
8) At the end of it all, chettan and chechi go to bless the newly wedded couple. The father of the groom asks his son "Mone.. you remember this uncle?". The groom gives that sheepish smile he has reserved for stranger-guests. "Aaah.... uhhhmm... no, we have not met I think". Chettan is disheartened but nevertheless gives a slap on the back of the groom and says "Aaah... how can he! He was a baby when I last saw him. See how he has grown! HAHAHHAHA" and that gurgling chortle continues for a good one minute until the videographer asks him to move out of the stage and asks the next family to come up!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
On Lunch boxes - specifically, post-marriage-lunch boxes
My classmate in college said his office was moving to the same building as my office and we were discussing about catching up after such a long time (well, let's ignore the fact that he was just a few buildings away for many months now and the "catching up" has never bothered to happen even then!!) Aah.. so while on the topic he joked(I hope it was!) that I could bring him packed lunches from home, now that we were in the same building.
And when I typed in the honest reply that neither me nor hubby dear takes lunch from home and so if he needed a dabba, I would have to cook lunch exclusively for him, he replied with a "thats not nice.. these days husbands.. " and trailed off.
Right... these days all husbands have lunch boxes. A husband without a lunch box is like a woman undergoing domestic violence at her home, a violation of human rights!
I dug deeper and here goes my analysis.
PS1 : There are frauds here as well. Most people who bring lunch boxes don't qualify for point #2 if their wife follows only the first half of the "lovingly cook" phrase and they have appointed a cook to do the second half.
PS2 : Btw, no offense intended at anybody! Am just plain jealous of people who bring their lunch boxes :-p
PS3 : Pic courtesy : As always : Flickr Creative Commons! I simply loved it!
And when I typed in the honest reply that neither me nor hubby dear takes lunch from home and so if he needed a dabba, I would have to cook lunch exclusively for him, he replied with a "thats not nice.. these days husbands.. " and trailed off.
Right... these days all husbands have lunch boxes. A husband without a lunch box is like a woman undergoing domestic violence at her home, a violation of human rights!
I dug deeper and here goes my analysis.
- Symbol of Marriage
Today, young girls (traditionally N.Indian, but these days, just about anyone!), soon after their wedding are observed to metamorphose into an Unidentifiable-Talking-Object (UTO). The change is dominant on the first day of joining back to work. A I-love-rugged-jeans type will be seen in the demure-est salwar-kameez, full with the bright red sindoor, chunky mangal sutra and red bangles covering both arms. And needless to say, the change will wear off after some time when they find their lost rugged-jeans again. So the men folks felt left out and decided to announce their weddings in their unique styles - lunch boxes - colored ones, tupper-ware ones, good ol' stain steel ones, triple deckers, you name it, they have it! - My-Wife-is-the-Best syndrome
To bring your lunch box indicates your wife wakes up early in the morning, takes her bath at 5, makes you b-fast, makes yummy lunches, packs your lunch box and is there to see you off to office, everyday. What more does he want! :)At work, I know your heart fills up with pride when you stand in that queue for using the microwave while others wait for their poison-for-the-day (read as : cafeteria lunches) - Sizes don't matter
Probably you fall on the wrong sides of the BMI and you are one of those who ate two full-
meals for lunch, apart from the orange shake and fruit bowl, before you got married. But post-wedding, when the lunch boxes come into picture, it really doesn't matter how much you eat; what matters is what you eat. So its perfectly fine to bring a lunch box half the size of your snacks-box in school; for you don't want your 'lunch kit' (to be described soon) to be bigger than your laptop case! - The 'lunch kit'
Lunch boxes are not be hidden inside your back-packs. They should be proudly displayed in an ergonomically designed bags called 'lunch kits' or 'lunch bags'. Some lunch boxes come with a 'built-in' bag with features including keeping your "lovingly made" food warm. If your lunch box is not as lucky as these you can use eco-friendly bags made of recycled-paper or jute. Whatever the case, take care to sling it on your shoulders and walk with your heads held high.
Closing for now, as it is time for my lunch :) No, nobody packs me lunches. If at all, I would have to do it. And fortunately, hubby dear doesn't mind me not packing him one :)
PS1 : There are frauds here as well. Most people who bring lunch boxes don't qualify for point #2 if their wife follows only the first half of the "lovingly cook" phrase and they have appointed a cook to do the second half.
PS2 : Btw, no offense intended at anybody! Am just plain jealous of people who bring their lunch boxes :-p
PS3 : Pic courtesy : As always : Flickr Creative Commons! I simply loved it!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Chumma oru Story...
There goes another Chocolate Fantasy..
and the last spoon of ice cream melted to take the shape of the plate.. like it had done for the last 55 weeks. This week is no different.
She saw his gaze fall on her and their gazes met for a brief second, before she looked at her watch again, for the 50th time in the last 45 minutes.
He took her hand in his. She dared not look up to meet his gaze... she hadn't dared to, in the last 55 weeks.
She knew what was coming. Another 15 minutes would pass by and they would pay the bill and walk away.
Only to repeat this again next week.
Wouldn't he ever tell her? Or even ask?
She gazed at her watch once more.
Then thinks of playing the will-i-get-lucky game today, to spend the 15 minutes!
So she decides; if he calls my name before the seconds hand on my watch reaches 12 again, he loves me.
Else, he loves me not.
With baited breath, she waits, hopes, prays, that he utters her name just once..
Past 50 seconds, and nothing has happened. She looks at his fingers stroking her wrist.
5 more seconds. She can't wait anymore.
"John.. "
and he replies "Shhhh..".
Defeated and disappointed, she looks down, tears welling up in her eyes.
She has lost the game.
Through the film of tears, she looks at the second hand of her watch take the last 3 seconds.
But wait.. Oh my God.. its stopped... its not moving!!!
John smiled to himself as he hoped Annie wouldn't have noticed how he had pulled at the tiny knob in her wrist watch.. he wanted the time to stand still when she was with him..
and the last spoon of ice cream melted to take the shape of the plate.. like it had done for the last 55 weeks. This week is no different.
She saw his gaze fall on her and their gazes met for a brief second, before she looked at her watch again, for the 50th time in the last 45 minutes.
He took her hand in his. She dared not look up to meet his gaze... she hadn't dared to, in the last 55 weeks.
She knew what was coming. Another 15 minutes would pass by and they would pay the bill and walk away.
Only to repeat this again next week.
Wouldn't he ever tell her? Or even ask?
She gazed at her watch once more.
Then thinks of playing the will-i-get-lucky game today, to spend the 15 minutes!
So she decides; if he calls my name before the seconds hand on my watch reaches 12 again, he loves me.
Else, he loves me not.
With baited breath, she waits, hopes, prays, that he utters her name just once..
Past 50 seconds, and nothing has happened. She looks at his fingers stroking her wrist.
5 more seconds. She can't wait anymore.
"John.. "
and he replies "Shhhh..".
Defeated and disappointed, she looks down, tears welling up in her eyes.
She has lost the game.
Through the film of tears, she looks at the second hand of her watch take the last 3 seconds.
But wait.. Oh my God.. its stopped... its not moving!!!
John smiled to himself as he hoped Annie wouldn't have noticed how he had pulled at the tiny knob in her wrist watch.. he wanted the time to stand still when she was with him..
Friday, April 10, 2009
Open Letter to the Auto Driver.
Dear auto-driver,
I decided to write this as an open letter on my blog after I got terrified at the thought of you writing about the incident on yours!!
This is the same girl who you had dropped from the Tech Park to HAL bus stop for Rs 40 at 9:00 on 8th April. Aah... I can read from your face that you remember me! How can you not! I know you are laughing now! Never mind!
Now I think I should have taken the first auto rikshaw that was parked at the entrance. The guy had demanded 50 bucks and as always I looked up at the sky and reminded God that I had made a request about slapping at least one auto-wala.. when was He granting me that wish?
God looked down and asked me to count back from ten and relax this time. After some attempt at negotiation, I thought he would be ok for 40, but that guy called out to all the other guys parked there .. "aaaaeeyyy... 40 rs..HAL.." and immediately you had sprung on your feet and called "banni madam..banni..".
My head was cloudy after the really really tiring day and I sunk into the back seat and remember saying "HAL bus stop" and then noticed that the memory card had slid out of my N73. There were some warnings on the screen about it getting corrupted and the theme got reset to the default Stave one. I tried to push it back but it just wouldn't get latched in position. I lost all patience! I pulled it out and dropped it in my purse.
Your auto roared past HAL school almost brushing another auto. The signal was red when we reached and I decided I would alight there and cross the road than go over the other side. I extended the 100 rupees note to you and you replied "no change madam".
Bugged, I searched my purse. A 100 rupee, a 10 rupee and and a 20 rupee was all that I had. And yeah, a sodexho booklet too.
Me : Aapke pass 50 rupees hai?
You slowly brought out the fat bunch of folded notes from your pocket. A 50 rupee note was the last one wrapped. Beneath that was a 10 rupee note and then some more. In a rather clumsy manner, as if not able to make out what I had in my mind, you gave me the 50 rupee note (but didn't give the 10 rupee note! why??? Coz I didn't ask, I know!! :( )
Wearily, I took the 50 rupee note from you, and gave you the 100 rupee note. Then on second thoughts, took another 10 rupee note from my purse and gave you that also! And boy, you are a good actor! And the little amount of surprise you showed when you looked at the 50 rupee and 10 rupee note was not visible to me in the dark! Having double-checked that my smart calculation was right, I walked out.
At the bus stop, just when I was about to sit down and wait, realization stuck me like lightning that I had given you 60 bucks instead of 40!!!! And being from the insincere Bangalore auto tribe, I can't expect you to return that extra 20 then!
Listen, (most) mistakes do happen to people (like me), especially ones involving math. I am hoping you would read this and return my 20 rupees. Please :)
Yours,
mathematically poor,
Me.
This is the same girl who you had dropped from the Tech Park to HAL bus stop for Rs 40 at 9:00 on 8th April. Aah... I can read from your face that you remember me! How can you not! I know you are laughing now! Never mind!
Now I think I should have taken the first auto rikshaw that was parked at the entrance. The guy had demanded 50 bucks and as always I looked up at the sky and reminded God that I had made a request about slapping at least one auto-wala.. when was He granting me that wish?
God looked down and asked me to count back from ten and relax this time. After some attempt at negotiation, I thought he would be ok for 40, but that guy called out to all the other guys parked there .. "aaaaeeyyy... 40 rs..HAL.." and immediately you had sprung on your feet and called "banni madam..banni..".
My head was cloudy after the really really tiring day and I sunk into the back seat and remember saying "HAL bus stop" and then noticed that the memory card had slid out of my N73. There were some warnings on the screen about it getting corrupted and the theme got reset to the default Stave one. I tried to push it back but it just wouldn't get latched in position. I lost all patience! I pulled it out and dropped it in my purse.
Your auto roared past HAL school almost brushing another auto. The signal was red when we reached and I decided I would alight there and cross the road than go over the other side. I extended the 100 rupees note to you and you replied "no change madam".
Bugged, I searched my purse. A 100 rupee, a 10 rupee and and a 20 rupee was all that I had. And yeah, a sodexho booklet too.
Me : Aapke pass 50 rupees hai?
You slowly brought out the fat bunch of folded notes from your pocket. A 50 rupee note was the last one wrapped. Beneath that was a 10 rupee note and then some more. In a rather clumsy manner, as if not able to make out what I had in my mind, you gave me the 50 rupee note (but didn't give the 10 rupee note! why??? Coz I didn't ask, I know!! :( )
Wearily, I took the 50 rupee note from you, and gave you the 100 rupee note. Then on second thoughts, took another 10 rupee note from my purse and gave you that also! And boy, you are a good actor! And the little amount of surprise you showed when you looked at the 50 rupee and 10 rupee note was not visible to me in the dark! Having double-checked that my smart calculation was right, I walked out.
At the bus stop, just when I was about to sit down and wait, realization stuck me like lightning that I had given you 60 bucks instead of 40!!!! And being from the insincere Bangalore auto tribe, I can't expect you to return that extra 20 then!
Listen, (most) mistakes do happen to people (like me), especially ones involving math. I am hoping you would read this and return my 20 rupees. Please :)
Yours,
mathematically poor,
Me.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Madhur Bhandarkar's "The BugFix"
Aha! I caught your attention :) OK, there is no movie by that name (yet!) and I only wish he made an attempt at this one. I can guarantee that it is going to break all box office records till date and will run in packed halls for more days than witnessed by sholay and ddlj.
For a person who makes umpteen "realistic" movies, a request like this from an innocent software engineer would ideally be a cake-walk. And in the times of recession, it becomes the "need of the hour"!
So what can go into the making of the script? Suggestions welcome. I have come up with my own tiny list that Mr. Bhandarkar can refer to :)
1) Konkona Sen Sharma should be unanimously declared the protagonist. She should be a level-2 software engineer (not more than 3 years of experience)
2) The Protagonist should be a skilled software engineer, but struggling to find her spot in the company among other 50,000 employees.
3) Other trivial characters can include lots of hunk-kind machos, all preferably gays, one of which would be the protagonist's point of interest. Preferably, he is her module lead.
4) The plot revolves around Ms. Sharma where in she is given a complex bug to fix from her client and the schedule is, as expected, hard to meet :)
5) The journey she goes through in the effort to fix the bug, fighting adamant managers and project leads, plotting co-workers along with the tortures of cafeteria-served bad lunches and poor appraisals form the centre stage.
6) For a change, Mr Bhandarkar can introduce a twist at the end of the movie. As the deadline approaches for our heroine, she is still in the requirement analysis stage of the waterfall process and is at a loss as to what is to be done.
That is when there is a breaking news in one of the "popular" news channels about a major financial scam that has happened in her company, where in the MD is accused of performing the magic trick of vanishing crores of rupees into thin air.
7) The media from the Page#3 get their 5 minutes to fame too.
8) The future of the company is hanging precariously and the salaries are uncertain.
9) That is when our heroine fixes the bug against all odds in such a spectacular manner that the client is sooooo happy (clap!clap!clap!) that they decides to acquire the defamed company and save all the employees!
10) Title song by Sukhwinder Singh plays as the names of all employees scroll up the screen. "Bugfix ka he yeh jalwa...yeh jalwa..yeh jalwa.."
THE END.
PS - Quality Contributions to the plot by Sand. Thanks :)
For a person who makes umpteen "realistic" movies, a request like this from an innocent software engineer would ideally be a cake-walk. And in the times of recession, it becomes the "need of the hour"!
So what can go into the making of the script? Suggestions welcome. I have come up with my own tiny list that Mr. Bhandarkar can refer to :)
1) Konkona Sen Sharma should be unanimously declared the protagonist. She should be a level-2 software engineer (not more than 3 years of experience)
2) The Protagonist should be a skilled software engineer, but struggling to find her spot in the company among other 50,000 employees.
3) Other trivial characters can include lots of hunk-kind machos, all preferably gays, one of which would be the protagonist's point of interest. Preferably, he is her module lead.
4) The plot revolves around Ms. Sharma where in she is given a complex bug to fix from her client and the schedule is, as expected, hard to meet :)
5) The journey she goes through in the effort to fix the bug, fighting adamant managers and project leads, plotting co-workers along with the tortures of cafeteria-served bad lunches and poor appraisals form the centre stage.
6) For a change, Mr Bhandarkar can introduce a twist at the end of the movie. As the deadline approaches for our heroine, she is still in the requirement analysis stage of the waterfall process and is at a loss as to what is to be done.
That is when there is a breaking news in one of the "popular" news channels about a major financial scam that has happened in her company, where in the MD is accused of performing the magic trick of vanishing crores of rupees into thin air.
7) The media from the Page#3 get their 5 minutes to fame too.
8) The future of the company is hanging precariously and the salaries are uncertain.
9) That is when our heroine fixes the bug against all odds in such a spectacular manner that the client is sooooo happy (clap!clap!clap!) that they decides to acquire the defamed company and save all the employees!
10) Title song by Sukhwinder Singh plays as the names of all employees scroll up the screen. "Bugfix ka he yeh jalwa...yeh jalwa..yeh jalwa.."
THE END.
PS - Quality Contributions to the plot by Sand. Thanks :)
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
For the "2-minute-rukh-sakthe-hai" types!
Today I pay due respect to the omnipresent curly substance of our everyday life which comes in a bright yellow pack and which when added in boiling water and cooked for 2 minutes yields hot and nice-smelling dish called... yes, you guessed it right, Maggi Noodles:)
The popularity of the dish is obvious by the nature in which it finds its acceptance among all age groups in India. To think of it nobody calls it noodles, or even Maggi Noodles, its called just Maggi!! In this light, it can be compared to the success that Xerox achieved in the world of printing and copying. These days nobody looks for a 'photo copy' or a 'copier', instead you ask the guy at the STD/ISD shop to "take a xerox" of the page, and when moved closer towards South-eastern side of India, its apt to "take a jeraaaks".
So going by the trends and calling it by its pet name we see that Maggi is so powerful yet versatile that it becomes break-fast when eaten at 8, lunch when eaten at 1, snacks(!!) when eaten at 5 and dinner when eaten at 9. Its like this wonderful-dream-come-true operating system which never cribs and can never go wrong whatever way you use it! And what more, with Maggi by your side the Indian Constitution prevents you from declaring that you don't know cooking! It comes in handy when your cooking qualifications are subjected to scrutiny during "interviews". " So what can you cook?" "Err...I can make tea, coffee...uhhmm...and yes, Maggi :)". The impression is favourable, trust me. You will clear the "interview"!
On one hand as Maggi fan-followers grow in numbers in social networking fan clubs and babies ponder switching from Ceralac to Maggi, its only natural that the number of nasty e-mails circulating "gossips" about Lady Maggi also shoots high, call it the effect of celebrity status!
According to them Maggi's "goooey texture" is made of boiled udders of goats and sheeps, and the magic powder inside those silver sachets contain the worst of chemicals, enough to make all moms in India go panicky and ban the food in home. Not funny. I was a victim.
But Maggi's fans are the most loyal ones on earth. They strive harder and harder to optimize the 2-mins cooking even more. Some revelations in this regard can be found by googling for it. To get you curious, did you know that you needn't really cook it on fire for 2 mins?? You could just add it into boiling water and close the lid just like you would make the easier cup-noodles! :)
I can't help but smile when I see tiny toddlers watching their mom draw out a packet of maggi from the shelves in the super market and pat comes the question "Mommy, when are you making me Maggi?" :)
Long live Maggi, the crucial life-saver of bad cooks, bachelors, lazy couples and many others!!
PS - Analysis of the effects of Maggi in the lives of Software Engineer couples has been avoided on purpose :D
The popularity of the dish is obvious by the nature in which it finds its acceptance among all age groups in India. To think of it nobody calls it noodles, or even Maggi Noodles, its called just Maggi!! In this light, it can be compared to the success that Xerox achieved in the world of printing and copying. These days nobody looks for a 'photo copy' or a 'copier', instead you ask the guy at the STD/ISD shop to "take a xerox" of the page, and when moved closer towards South-eastern side of India, its apt to "take a jeraaaks".
So going by the trends and calling it by its pet name we see that Maggi is so powerful yet versatile that it becomes break-fast when eaten at 8, lunch when eaten at 1, snacks(!!) when eaten at 5 and dinner when eaten at 9. Its like this wonderful-dream-come-true operating system which never cribs and can never go wrong whatever way you use it! And what more, with Maggi by your side the Indian Constitution prevents you from declaring that you don't know cooking! It comes in handy when your cooking qualifications are subjected to scrutiny during "interviews". " So what can you cook?" "Err...I can make tea, coffee...uhhmm...and yes, Maggi :)". The impression is favourable, trust me. You will clear the "interview"!
On one hand as Maggi fan-followers grow in numbers in social networking fan clubs and babies ponder switching from Ceralac to Maggi, its only natural that the number of nasty e-mails circulating "gossips" about Lady Maggi also shoots high, call it the effect of celebrity status!
According to them Maggi's "goooey texture" is made of boiled udders of goats and sheeps, and the magic powder inside those silver sachets contain the worst of chemicals, enough to make all moms in India go panicky and ban the food in home. Not funny. I was a victim.
But Maggi's fans are the most loyal ones on earth. They strive harder and harder to optimize the 2-mins cooking even more. Some revelations in this regard can be found by googling for it. To get you curious, did you know that you needn't really cook it on fire for 2 mins?? You could just add it into boiling water and close the lid just like you would make the easier cup-noodles! :)
I can't help but smile when I see tiny toddlers watching their mom draw out a packet of maggi from the shelves in the super market and pat comes the question "Mommy, when are you making me Maggi?" :)
Long live Maggi, the crucial life-saver of bad cooks, bachelors, lazy couples and many others!!
PS - Analysis of the effects of Maggi in the lives of Software Engineer couples has been avoided on purpose :D
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Oru dubai-kaarde "dream house"..
Disclaimers : It goes without saying that in a narration so close to real-life as this all characters are fictitious :) Any and every resemblance of the characters to your NRI neighbour is purely coincidental.
Now that I am safe, let me start the narration..
Our auto roared its way on the stony road throwing us left and right, as if in a ketchup bottle! We hung on to dear lives until we saw the wrought iron gates looming big and the auto slowed down and stopped abruptly.
Mom and I got out, feeling like a packet of bones.
Me : "Ethraayi?" (How much is it?)
Auto driver : 15 rupees.
Me : "15 rupees? Nammal keralam kadannillallo atinu!" (We have not gone as far as crossing the Kerala border!)
Auto driver : "Ingane oru road-inde attathu kondu aarelum veedu vekkyo! itil odikkaan 15 rupees pora!" (Who will build a house at the other end of such a road! I should have asked for more that 15 rupees!)
Me : :D atu correct-a chetta!!! (That's correct bro! Note: The safest way to address any TDH here is 'chetta')
Having found a third person to blame, I handed over the Rs 20 note and took the change back from him. The auto driver took a look at the mansion behind the gate and murmuring something under his breath started the auto and roared away.
Sheela aunty,with a (well-practiced)pleasant smile greeted us at the door,err..door..we will call it yet-another-huge-gate. From the slippers strewn all around the car porch, I guessed there would be at least 300 people inside the house!
Sheela aunty serenaded across the airy living room, the pallu of her kancheepuram sari flowing lightly in the air. There, I saw Sreedharan uncle smiling at us, his gold-rimmed glasses sparkling under the crystal chandelier.
"Varu...veedu kaanichu taraam" said Sheela aunty. (Come, I will show you around the house)
Through out the "tour", I was too spellbound to speak a word! The house was like a palace! Sheela aunty was talking non-stop, going by the details of it all.
"Italian marbles thanne venam flooring ennu enikku nirbhandham undaayirunnu...Bedroomil wood panelingum.." (I wasnt ready to settle for anything less than Italian marbles for flooring and wood paneling for bedrooms).
"Sree ettanum njanum koode last time vannathu thanne bathroom-il tiles select cheyyanaayirunnu.." (Sree ettan and I had come to India last time just to choose the tiles for our bathroom)
"Shooo...Geethey...ee veedu pani kaaranam mathiyaayinnu thanne parayallo..!" (Geetha, I must admit I am exhausted running behind this construction work!)
Mom was nodding sympathetically after every line and chirping the same sentence after each of Sheela's aunty's woe-filled sentences "Pakshe Sheela, nannaayittundu ellaam!" (But Sheela, everything looks great!)
When mom thought she might require an aspirin soon, she made a mild remark "Sheela thaazhe pokko..aalkkaarokke vannittundaakum. njangal kandolaam veedu" (Sheela, You go down and receive the guests, we'll go around ourselves)
I felt this was one among the top 10 great things mom had done in last 10 years and deserved an Award for Timely Action!
Mom and I moved from room to room..each one looked a thousand times more beautiful than the previous one.
Me :"Ethra chilavaakki kaanum mommy?" (How much have they spent?)
Mom :"Oru 70-75 lakhs ennaanu paranjey...kettille??" (Around 70-75 laksh..didnt you hear when she said?)
Mom at some point : "Itaano Ja-koo-zee??Angane alle?" (Is this Jacuzzi, did I say it right?) with an obvious effort in her voice to frame the foreign word for her by fetching 3 random pieces from her vocabulary.
"Yo, lathu thaan" (Yes, it is) answered the smart me!
After having a heated discussion over if they would use all this, with mom saying they wouldn't use any and me arguing who wouldn't use it after paying from their nose, we came down stairs.
Still spellbound, I rarely recollect what the menu was. But yeah, an embarrassingly looong burp was heard from many around.
Having bid goodbye to Sheela aunty and complimenting her on her "dream home" (that is what she called it), we took an auto back home with me echoing "allelum dubaikkaarkku entha...kore kaashundallo!" (the dubai NRIs are always filthy rich!)
A week later, back at work, during one of our long telephone conversations I asked if Sheela aunty has settled in her "dream house". Mom replied "Avaru enne thirichu poyi...avide ippo randu watchman-um naalu pattikalum kaaval undu" (They left for Dubai long back. There are 2 watchmen and 4 dogs to guard the house now).
Bottom line : "Ee yogam ennoke parayanatil vallllya artham undu tto!" (No no...a translation here would never live up to its original!! Sorry!)
Now that I am safe, let me start the narration..
Our auto roared its way on the stony road throwing us left and right, as if in a ketchup bottle! We hung on to dear lives until we saw the wrought iron gates looming big and the auto slowed down and stopped abruptly.
Mom and I got out, feeling like a packet of bones.
Me : "Ethraayi?" (How much is it?)
Auto driver : 15 rupees.
Me : "15 rupees? Nammal keralam kadannillallo atinu!" (We have not gone as far as crossing the Kerala border!)
Auto driver : "Ingane oru road-inde attathu kondu aarelum veedu vekkyo! itil odikkaan 15 rupees pora!" (Who will build a house at the other end of such a road! I should have asked for more that 15 rupees!)
Me : :D atu correct-a chetta!!! (That's correct bro! Note: The safest way to address any TDH here is 'chetta')
Having found a third person to blame, I handed over the Rs 20 note and took the change back from him. The auto driver took a look at the mansion behind the gate and murmuring something under his breath started the auto and roared away.
Sheela aunty,with a (well-practiced)pleasant smile greeted us at the door,err..door..we will call it yet-another-huge-gate. From the slippers strewn all around the car porch, I guessed there would be at least 300 people inside the house!
Sheela aunty serenaded across the airy living room, the pallu of her kancheepuram sari flowing lightly in the air. There, I saw Sreedharan uncle smiling at us, his gold-rimmed glasses sparkling under the crystal chandelier.
"Varu...veedu kaanichu taraam" said Sheela aunty. (Come, I will show you around the house)
Through out the "tour", I was too spellbound to speak a word! The house was like a palace! Sheela aunty was talking non-stop, going by the details of it all.
"Italian marbles thanne venam flooring ennu enikku nirbhandham undaayirunnu...Bedroomil wood panelingum.." (I wasnt ready to settle for anything less than Italian marbles for flooring and wood paneling for bedrooms).
"Sree ettanum njanum koode last time vannathu thanne bathroom-il tiles select cheyyanaayirunnu.." (Sree ettan and I had come to India last time just to choose the tiles for our bathroom)
"Shooo...Geethey...ee veedu pani kaaranam mathiyaayinnu thanne parayallo..!" (Geetha, I must admit I am exhausted running behind this construction work!)
Mom was nodding sympathetically after every line and chirping the same sentence after each of Sheela's aunty's woe-filled sentences "Pakshe Sheela, nannaayittundu ellaam!" (But Sheela, everything looks great!)
When mom thought she might require an aspirin soon, she made a mild remark "Sheela thaazhe pokko..aalkkaarokke vannittundaakum. njangal kandolaam veedu" (Sheela, You go down and receive the guests, we'll go around ourselves)
I felt this was one among the top 10 great things mom had done in last 10 years and deserved an Award for Timely Action!
Mom and I moved from room to room..each one looked a thousand times more beautiful than the previous one.
Me :"Ethra chilavaakki kaanum mommy?" (How much have they spent?)
Mom :"Oru 70-75 lakhs ennaanu paranjey...kettille??" (Around 70-75 laksh..didnt you hear when she said?)
Mom at some point : "Itaano Ja-koo-zee??Angane alle?" (Is this Jacuzzi, did I say it right?) with an obvious effort in her voice to frame the foreign word for her by fetching 3 random pieces from her vocabulary.
"Yo, lathu thaan" (Yes, it is) answered the smart me!
After having a heated discussion over if they would use all this, with mom saying they wouldn't use any and me arguing who wouldn't use it after paying from their nose, we came down stairs.
Still spellbound, I rarely recollect what the menu was. But yeah, an embarrassingly looong burp was heard from many around.
Having bid goodbye to Sheela aunty and complimenting her on her "dream home" (that is what she called it), we took an auto back home with me echoing "allelum dubaikkaarkku entha...kore kaashundallo!" (the dubai NRIs are always filthy rich!)
A week later, back at work, during one of our long telephone conversations I asked if Sheela aunty has settled in her "dream house". Mom replied "Avaru enne thirichu poyi...avide ippo randu watchman-um naalu pattikalum kaaval undu" (They left for Dubai long back. There are 2 watchmen and 4 dogs to guard the house now).
Bottom line : "Ee yogam ennoke parayanatil vallllya artham undu tto!" (No no...a translation here would never live up to its original!! Sorry!)
Monday, September 08, 2008
Kannada maathadi...!
Of late, I have been trying my bestest of my best to speak one line of proper kannada. It was quite embarrassing to admit that three years of staying in Bangalore hasn't brought me any closer to the language and my Kannada vocab was still constant with 1 word - the ubiquitous "maadi".
And to rub salt to the wounds, hubby dear has this penchant for showing off his 3-month-classroom -educated-80%-marks Kannada in front me while he spoke to auto drivers, plumbers and others. And am sure his trademarked "right tagoli" is used on auto drivers ONLY in my presence. And he very well knows, my quirky ears would stand up and my next question would be "Hey...what did you say just now? What does it mean?" followed by a wow-you-are-great exclamations and hushed gasps and widened eyes as he basks in the glory.
So hudugi here decided it was high time she did something about this. And the FM channels here probably felt the same, so they switched to sikkapatte kannada and swalpa-est hindi.
So terribly sikkapatte it was that hudugi here was heard humming only kannada songs for a few months and whenever a familiar kannada song was aired on FM while in car with hubby dear, hudugi would not just increase the volume but also sing aloud until hubby dear cries for mercy!
Soon, the office cab occupants unanimously decided to switch to another FM channel which had kanglish as medium of communication, and hence easier to pick up! So kannada songs got reduced. It was good bye to "Jinka Marina" which used to be recited like a prayer thrice a day.
Now hudugi listens to ads and RJs and picks up few kannada words. SMS sent to hubby dear is mostly in Kannada, and mostly the contents remain unaltered. I ping him every now and then as if he is a BMTC volvo bus with a "yelli idhire" sms, which happens to be the only completely correct kannada sentence I am proud to have mastered.
The learning curve has been pathetic all this while, or at least hubby dear makes me think so, for whichever way I put a sentence, he says those words don't even exist in the language!! And yeah, considering the similarity among South Indian languages, I do sometimes take a slightly greater advantage of it than what is necessary, the reason for all the "non-existent" words.
But nevertheless, the effort continues :) If you try to poke fun at me,nin kudumbana aanandikku aarogyakku, Mane hogu! (My own way of saying "Get lost" or in pure mallu-style "Go to your classes" ;))
And to rub salt to the wounds, hubby dear has this penchant for showing off his 3-month-classroom -educated-80%-marks Kannada in front me while he spoke to auto drivers, plumbers and others. And am sure his trademarked "right tagoli" is used on auto drivers ONLY in my presence. And he very well knows, my quirky ears would stand up and my next question would be "Hey...what did you say just now? What does it mean?" followed by a wow-you-are-great exclamations and hushed gasps and widened eyes as he basks in the glory.
So hudugi here decided it was high time she did something about this. And the FM channels here probably felt the same, so they switched to sikkapatte kannada and swalpa-est hindi.
So terribly sikkapatte it was that hudugi here was heard humming only kannada songs for a few months and whenever a familiar kannada song was aired on FM while in car with hubby dear, hudugi would not just increase the volume but also sing aloud until hubby dear cries for mercy!
Soon, the office cab occupants unanimously decided to switch to another FM channel which had kanglish as medium of communication, and hence easier to pick up! So kannada songs got reduced. It was good bye to "Jinka Marina" which used to be recited like a prayer thrice a day.
Now hudugi listens to ads and RJs and picks up few kannada words. SMS sent to hubby dear is mostly in Kannada, and mostly the contents remain unaltered. I ping him every now and then as if he is a BMTC volvo bus with a "yelli idhire" sms, which happens to be the only completely correct kannada sentence I am proud to have mastered.
The learning curve has been pathetic all this while, or at least hubby dear makes me think so, for whichever way I put a sentence, he says those words don't even exist in the language!! And yeah, considering the similarity among South Indian languages, I do sometimes take a slightly greater advantage of it than what is necessary, the reason for all the "non-existent" words.
But nevertheless, the effort continues :) If you try to poke fun at me,nin kudumbana aanandikku aarogyakku, Mane hogu! (My own way of saying "Get lost" or in pure mallu-style "Go to your classes" ;))
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Wandering Thoughts from a Frustrated Programmer..
One linker error is no better than 3 page-full of linker errors. In fact, it could be worse. You are very likely to spend 30 mins solving 3 page full of linker errors whereas you would realise you have been staring this lone stubborn linker error for almost a week now and it has not progressed an inch from where it is now.
For the whole of that week you would be seen talking about nothing but that particularly impish __symbol. Sometimes, when the deadlines have turned the corner, you would start seeing underscores in your dreams as well :)
And exactly during that time Google will call it quits and declare you an idiot after its million-th attempt at enquiring if you really meant what you typed on the search bar or "did you mean this-slightly-modified-yet-totally-unrelated-word" instead? After all, google knows that to err is humane!
You try changing the code in all possible way Mr Trusted-Lots-of-stars-guy on that forum suggests. You even post a few queries here and there and keep refreshing the page to see if the same Mr Trusted-Lots-of-stars-guy has replied and when he does reply, he says whatever we asked sounds really strange to anybody living on earth and he would need to see the entire thing for it and suggests something which you have already read in many other forums and which would not work for sure!
With Mr stars also giving up, you are left alone. Well, not exactly, alone. You are left with few more days for the deadline, somebody to drill down this fact every hour into your brains and this sole linker error. Back to square one, rather Square -20, coz you have already wasted 20 long days for this!
Happy Linking! :)
PS - All characters(integers and floats as well) in this post are fictitious.Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. And 'You' is not me. 'You' is you. And if you thought 'You' is not you, then you spoke too soon. Your day will come soon :)
For the whole of that week you would be seen talking about nothing but that particularly impish __symbol. Sometimes, when the deadlines have turned the corner, you would start seeing underscores in your dreams as well :)
And exactly during that time Google will call it quits and declare you an idiot after its million-th attempt at enquiring if you really meant what you typed on the search bar or "did you mean this-slightly-modified-yet-totally-unrelated-word" instead? After all, google knows that to err is humane!
You try changing the code in all possible way Mr Trusted-Lots-of-stars-guy on that forum suggests. You even post a few queries here and there and keep refreshing the page to see if the same Mr Trusted-Lots-of-stars-guy has replied and when he does reply, he says whatever we asked sounds really strange to anybody living on earth and he would need to see the entire thing for it and suggests something which you have already read in many other forums and which would not work for sure!
With Mr stars also giving up, you are left alone. Well, not exactly, alone. You are left with few more days for the deadline, somebody to drill down this fact every hour into your brains and this sole linker error. Back to square one, rather Square -20, coz you have already wasted 20 long days for this!
Happy Linking! :)
PS - All characters(integers and floats as well) in this post are fictitious.Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. And 'You' is not me. 'You' is you. And if you thought 'You' is not you, then you spoke too soon. Your day will come soon :)
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Teddy at Twenty!
Are you knitting your eye-brows at the thought?
Or are you smiling end to end?
Probably it wouldn't figure in the heavily revised Girl's-best-friend-list, but would unanimously be voted to occupy that special place in her heart.
And guys grrrrrooooaaannnn at the thought. Some (read it as Most) guys think its "too-girlie", "too-baby-ish" and a lot of other-ish for a twenty-something girl to be found owning a teddy bear!
They pull your legs, poke fun at you and call you "beiibeeeee" if they know you hug your teddy while you sleep ...
They twist the teddy's face, throw it up and down, kick it like a football, and tug at its satin ribbons...
All said and done, on Valentine's, they gift you a teddy, with a big red heart! What an irony!
Note: A post from a married-woman showing contempt towards the male species is imedietely seen as a way of showing contempt towards ones husband :) Please spare mine from being the object of interest in your comments, he doesn't mind teddies :)
Or are you smiling end to end?
Probably it wouldn't figure in the heavily revised Girl's-best-friend-list, but would unanimously be voted to occupy that special place in her heart.
And guys grrrrrooooaaannnn at the thought. Some (read it as Most) guys think its "too-girlie", "too-baby-ish" and a lot of other-ish for a twenty-something girl to be found owning a teddy bear!
They pull your legs, poke fun at you and call you "beiibeeeee" if they know you hug your teddy while you sleep ...
They twist the teddy's face, throw it up and down, kick it like a football, and tug at its satin ribbons...
All said and done, on Valentine's, they gift you a teddy, with a big red heart! What an irony!
Note: A post from a married-woman showing contempt towards the male species is imedietely seen as a way of showing contempt towards ones husband :) Please spare mine from being the object of interest in your comments, he doesn't mind teddies :)
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Blog in Progress..97% Complete
Who was that moron who got this idea to develop the ever-hated Progress Bar thingie??? Probably developed with all the good intentions in the world, he would never in his wildest dream have thought that people would howl and scream, tear their hair apart watching it grow in a snail's pace.
How many times have you tried to pull those green boxes in a failed attempt to drag it to 100%!
How many times have you coaxed and cajoled yourself into believing "Okie..this would be the last one I would see for this install" and just when you think its over, there comes another window and yet another empty progress bar!
And as if one per screen was not enough, we have the all-new-double-progress-bar where when one completes to 100%, the other, with lot of effort, goes higher by 1%!!!! Duh!
C'mon yaar, there is height of being patient! And you allow yourself to be mocked at by this kind of logic, just because you don't have any other choice?? Sigh!
The other day, as I was staring at yet another merciless progress bar at work, I wondered if it would have been better staring at a black blank screen and letting my mind wander into other not-so-boring stuffs than play the self-invented-stupid game of speculating where the progress bar would reach when my system time shows 3:54!
All said and done, I have to agree that the moment we see the last cell getting colored green is one of pure ecstasy!
Download Complete!
How many times have you tried to pull those green boxes in a failed attempt to drag it to 100%!
How many times have you coaxed and cajoled yourself into believing "Okie..this would be the last one I would see for this install" and just when you think its over, there comes another window and yet another empty progress bar!
And as if one per screen was not enough, we have the all-new-double-progress-bar where when one completes to 100%, the other, with lot of effort, goes higher by 1%!!!! Duh!
C'mon yaar, there is height of being patient! And you allow yourself to be mocked at by this kind of logic, just because you don't have any other choice?? Sigh!
The other day, as I was staring at yet another merciless progress bar at work, I wondered if it would have been better staring at a black blank screen and letting my mind wander into other not-so-boring stuffs than play the self-invented-stupid game of speculating where the progress bar would reach when my system time shows 3:54!
All said and done, I have to agree that the moment we see the last cell getting colored green is one of pure ecstasy!
Download Complete!
Friday, February 08, 2008
Fry till Golden Brown..
Take any culinary book, am sure these lines would never be missed. Its there all over like a punchline!
Talking about recipe books, writing it is as much as an art as is cooking itself! You need to choose words with utmost care so that it tempts the reader to try it. Once the reader runs through all the ingredients required and is satisfied that (s)he has all the stuffs ready she is automatically drawn to the Method section. Now once (s)he starts reading the method, the author should hand-pick and present the words in such a way that he (more than often she) actually starts smelling the aroma of the spices being lightly fried in oil!!
Some tips (read as "culinary jargons") used to draw the readers attention are -
(Use these phrases in case you are looking for an alternate career in writing cookery book/online posts)
1) Onions are always fried till golden brown. Am sure many a times all of us would have wondered what exactly the golden brown colour was, but sure enough we have been made to believe that onions taste best when they are "fried till golden brown", a thing never achieved !!
2) Garnish with fresh mint leaves and blah blah... mmmm sounds so appealing! The readers would fall head over heels for this!
3) If you observed, recipes with simple names rarely catch your attention. Instead see the increase in page-hits you would get if you posted the simple recipe of prawn fry to Golden Fried Prawns in Sweet-n-Sour Vinegar Sauce.
4) Not to forget that colourful picture of a juicy chicken ready
to be dug into surrounded with "garnishes from point# 2", a checkered napkin in white-n-red! Yeah man, its going to be nothing without an eye-catchy pic of the (supposedly) real thing
5) If its an online post, get your friends and parents to comment on your recipe. Bribe them to give you as many stars as possible for your ratings and watch the magic as some naive unassuming user(read: prey) searches for something and your recipe gets another hit!
Now who cares if your prey ends up skipping his dinner coz of half kilo grams of burnt prawns with a vinegar sauce that doesn't taste half as exotic as it sounds! You receive your hits (pun intended ;-))
Happy Writing!
Talking about recipe books, writing it is as much as an art as is cooking itself! You need to choose words with utmost care so that it tempts the reader to try it. Once the reader runs through all the ingredients required and is satisfied that (s)he has all the stuffs ready she is automatically drawn to the Method section. Now once (s)he starts reading the method, the author should hand-pick and present the words in such a way that he (more than often she) actually starts smelling the aroma of the spices being lightly fried in oil!!
Some tips (read as "culinary jargons") used to draw the readers attention are -
(Use these phrases in case you are looking for an alternate career in writing cookery book/online posts)
1) Onions are always fried till golden brown. Am sure many a times all of us would have wondered what exactly the golden brown colour was, but sure enough we have been made to believe that onions taste best when they are "fried till golden brown", a thing never achieved !!
2) Garnish with fresh mint leaves and blah blah... mmmm sounds so appealing! The readers would fall head over heels for this!
3) If you observed, recipes with simple names rarely catch your attention. Instead see the increase in page-hits you would get if you posted the simple recipe of prawn fry to Golden Fried Prawns in Sweet-n-Sour Vinegar Sauce.
4) Not to forget that colourful picture of a juicy chicken ready
to be dug into surrounded with "garnishes from point# 2", a checkered napkin in white-n-red! Yeah man, its going to be nothing without an eye-catchy pic of the (supposedly) real thing5) If its an online post, get your friends and parents to comment on your recipe. Bribe them to give you as many stars as possible for your ratings and watch the magic as some naive unassuming user(read: prey) searches for something and your recipe gets another hit!
Now who cares if your prey ends up skipping his dinner coz of half kilo grams of burnt prawns with a vinegar sauce that doesn't taste half as exotic as it sounds! You receive your hits (pun intended ;-))
Happy Writing!
Friday, February 01, 2008
Wheels of Change
I wasn't believing myself when I saw myself type on a chat window "Yaar,go for santro, it perfectly suits your budget and is a really good value-for-money car. If in case you can stretch a little, try Swift." and the guy (ok, mark this word, its a GUY !!) at the other end asks "What about i10? Hows the performance? " and I type without thinking twice "i10 is very good, but then don't you think its over-priced? " "Aur WagonR? kaisa hai? " and I reply confidently "Thats the ugliest looking car ever produced by man.. absolute waste!" We exchange a few more pleasantries and I end the conversation.. beaming like a first rank holder! Guess why..
Barely 2 years back, a car for me would be as simple as something that runs on the road, has 4 wheels and a cover on top. My knowledge of car (or any automobiles for that matter) was an absolute zero even though I had a valid driving license. And that I possessed coz I thought it would look odd in today's world not to hold one once you complete 18 yrs of age. After all 18 is the age to scream aloud to the world am finally officially an adult!
I think we are deviating from the primary topic of interest.. cars.. yes, I was mentioning how ignorant I was about cars. Back in school, I had this friend N, an absolute tomboy, who used to be such a car-lover that it was hard for me to resist all the gyan she gave me then! So though I despised that topic as much as Social Studies, I knew Celio (or was it Ceilo?) was a car which was big.
After school, it was again a state of pure bliss (read ignorance) about automobiles. And in I walked into the hustle and bustle of bangalore city, I meet this dude. He loved traveling, enjoyed having all kinds of food at all sorts of places, was ready to take risk and sit through many super-duper bollywood flops and.. loved his car (then an Indica) n bike (then and now a Pulsar 150 cc) like crazy!
Harmless, I thought. Though interests were aligned in exactly opposite directions we got along like a house on fire.
Unfortunately I didn't realize that spending a year with a car-lover means you might subconsciously expand the thesaurus meaning I had created for a car to little more than what a normal human being would.
The car-word got bigger and bigger and took different shapes in its meaning. Today I attend Auto Shows (huh!!! I would have committed suicide had I the power to predict the future 2 yrs ago!), can tell between different kinds of alloy wheels, can even imagine how they would look and hence choose between them, confidently comment that small cars look bad with a spoiler, and that European cars have extra performance and power and US cars, like any other market fall under the age-old "just looks" categories, watched the Tata Nano videos like some crazy car-enthusiast ;-)
Man, whatta transformation... now I read all the car columns in newspapers, and guess what, when a reader pops a question of which car would suit his requirements I am already ready with the answer that is usually in line with what is given by the professionals :-))) lolz...
And I still don't know if I ever loved cars... or even driving one!
Barely 2 years back, a car for me would be as simple as something that runs on the road, has 4 wheels and a cover on top. My knowledge of car (or any automobiles for that matter) was an absolute zero even though I had a valid driving license. And that I possessed coz I thought it would look odd in today's world not to hold one once you complete 18 yrs of age. After all 18 is the age to scream aloud to the world am finally officially an adult!
I think we are deviating from the primary topic of interest.. cars.. yes, I was mentioning how ignorant I was about cars. Back in school, I had this friend N, an absolute tomboy, who used to be such a car-lover that it was hard for me to resist all the gyan she gave me then! So though I despised that topic as much as Social Studies, I knew Celio (or was it Ceilo?) was a car which was big.
After school, it was again a state of pure bliss (read ignorance) about automobiles. And in I walked into the hustle and bustle of bangalore city, I meet this dude. He loved traveling, enjoyed having all kinds of food at all sorts of places, was ready to take risk and sit through many super-duper bollywood flops and.. loved his car (then an Indica) n bike (then and now a Pulsar 150 cc) like crazy!
Harmless, I thought. Though interests were aligned in exactly opposite directions we got along like a house on fire.
Unfortunately I didn't realize that spending a year with a car-lover means you might subconsciously expand the thesaurus meaning I had created for a car to little more than what a normal human being would.
The car-word got bigger and bigger and took different shapes in its meaning. Today I attend Auto Shows (huh!!! I would have committed suicide had I the power to predict the future 2 yrs ago!), can tell between different kinds of alloy wheels, can even imagine how they would look and hence choose between them, confidently comment that small cars look bad with a spoiler, and that European cars have extra performance and power and US cars, like any other market fall under the age-old "just looks" categories, watched the Tata Nano videos like some crazy car-enthusiast ;-)
Man, whatta transformation... now I read all the car columns in newspapers, and guess what, when a reader pops a question of which car would suit his requirements I am already ready with the answer that is usually in line with what is given by the professionals :-))) lolz...
And I still don't know if I ever loved cars... or even driving one!
Sunday, December 09, 2007
10 Random Stuffs I find hard to Tolerate...
1) People being so vain enough to put their own pic as wallie in their cell phones.
2) Showing that you are totally jobless by converting orkut scraps to a chat service!
3) Anonymous friend requests on orkut with the profile being a member of atleast 25 porn communities.
4) Speaking on your mobile and driving..
5) The newly-sprung-retail-chain-supermarkets where every vegetable has to be wrapped in separate plastic covers, be it one small piece of cabbage or 3 lemons! Ever wondered where these plastics go after you dump it in your dustbin??
6) Mallus speaking English with an absolutely absurd sounding american accent -> 'green' sounds something like 'gzheeen' and creme becomes 'czheeem' with a tinge of 'r' somewhere getting lost in between. Of course, I hate the other extreme as well. One who says "oooyil" for 'oil' and 'loan' for 'lawn'!
7) Guys with extra-ordinarily long hair, let loose, looking half like King Cong and half human!
8) Auto drivers - the whole breed - without any specific clauses!!
9) Young girls(or guys) puffing away during breaks in office to reduce stress (??) !!
10) People taking hours to draw out money from an ATM with a long queue waiting behind them.
11) Couldn't stop at 10 as I promised.. :-( I hate FM radio with the jockey never shuttin up her
mouth and going blah-blah-blah...and most of the times playing the same numbers again and again!
(I have more, but I guess I should be a little more tolerant :-) )
2) Showing that you are totally jobless by converting orkut scraps to a chat service!
3) Anonymous friend requests on orkut with the profile being a member of atleast 25 porn communities.
4) Speaking on your mobile and driving..
5) The newly-sprung-retail-chain-supermarkets where every vegetable has to be wrapped in separate plastic covers, be it one small piece of cabbage or 3 lemons! Ever wondered where these plastics go after you dump it in your dustbin??
6) Mallus speaking English with an absolutely absurd sounding american accent -> 'green' sounds something like 'gzheeen' and creme becomes 'czheeem' with a tinge of 'r' somewhere getting lost in between. Of course, I hate the other extreme as well. One who says "oooyil" for 'oil' and 'loan' for 'lawn'!
7) Guys with extra-ordinarily long hair, let loose, looking half like King Cong and half human!
8) Auto drivers - the whole breed - without any specific clauses!!9) Young girls(or guys) puffing away during breaks in office to reduce stress (??) !!
10) People taking hours to draw out money from an ATM with a long queue waiting behind them.
11) Couldn't stop at 10 as I promised.. :-( I hate FM radio with the jockey never shuttin up her
mouth and going blah-blah-blah...and most of the times playing the same numbers again and again!
(I have more, but I guess I should be a little more tolerant :-) )
Monday, December 03, 2007
Those little yellow sticky notes..
One can't but wonder the significance of those yellow sticky notes these days that you tend to stick in your cubicles, at home, in your kitchen..
The moment you have written down every single thing nagging you into those 2" X 2" bit of paper you feel a sense of relief flooding in, something akin to the feeling you get after 2 hours of pouring out all your worries over the phone with your patient-best-friend listening to you on the other end! Man, its like as though you have a constraint on the amount of things you can store in your head,say certain megabytes,and you want to make sure they are used only to store the most nitty-gritty things of life!
Now, that is the feeling when you have "instantiated a yellow sticky". The next time you see those tiny things trying their best to stick and stay on where they were pinned , you only let out a loud exclamation..followed by a slap on your forehead , followed by a "Ohh $%#@ I forgot!!!"
Soon enough,as days pass by, the yellow notes tend to curl up on their edges as though they are tired of reminding you again and again and are recoiling back accepting their defeat. True, the poor little notes rarely demand your attention on time...most of the time we take note only to tell yourself how we had wanted to get it done today and we forgot!
But still they adorn your walls like those inspirational wallpapers, hoping somebpdy would take a look at them once in a while. I have seen these notes stuck to computer monitors too...so that they are always in sight! But after days of presence, I guess your eyes get used to seeing something yellow out of the corners!
Now coming to the variety of things that get jotted down to be reminded... few people use it for groceries, few others use it for their imporant appointments,tasks at office and a lot other personal to-dos. Now coming to the point where I divulge the source of inpiration for this blog post -> PJ's apartment. A hard-core-yellow-sticky-notes-fan he doesn't do a thing unless its written down in one of those numerous stickies! And me being the curious cat I have always been ,I make it a point to see whats updated in them... and here is what I found one day..without thinking twice I caught it with my mobile cam... :-)) (He is going to skin me alive for this!!!)
The moment you have written down every single thing nagging you into those 2" X 2" bit of paper you feel a sense of relief flooding in, something akin to the feeling you get after 2 hours of pouring out all your worries over the phone with your patient-best-friend listening to you on the other end! Man, its like as though you have a constraint on the amount of things you can store in your head,say certain megabytes,and you want to make sure they are used only to store the most nitty-gritty things of life!
Now, that is the feeling when you have "instantiated a yellow sticky". The next time you see those tiny things trying their best to stick and stay on where they were pinned , you only let out a loud exclamation..followed by a slap on your forehead , followed by a "Ohh $%#@ I forgot!!!"
Soon enough,as days pass by, the yellow notes tend to curl up on their edges as though they are tired of reminding you again and again and are recoiling back accepting their defeat. True, the poor little notes rarely demand your attention on time...most of the time we take note only to tell yourself how we had wanted to get it done today and we forgot!
But still they adorn your walls like those inspirational wallpapers, hoping somebpdy would take a look at them once in a while. I have seen these notes stuck to computer monitors too...so that they are always in sight! But after days of presence, I guess your eyes get used to seeing something yellow out of the corners!
Now coming to the variety of things that get jotted down to be reminded... few people use it for groceries, few others use it for their imporant appointments,tasks at office and a lot other personal to-dos. Now coming to the point where I divulge the source of inpiration for this blog post -> PJ's apartment. A hard-core-yellow-sticky-notes-fan he doesn't do a thing unless its written down in one of those numerous stickies! And me being the curious cat I have always been ,I make it a point to see whats updated in them... and here is what I found one day..without thinking twice I caught it with my mobile cam... :-)) (He is going to skin me alive for this!!!)
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Washed Away...
And they were gone...almost 4 or 5 pages , 2 of them completely irrecoverable. Through the thick film of tears in my eyes, I looked at them as I traced the fonts gel into one another and smearing the entire page with a light shade of pink. The pages were soggy wet and smelling like a buttermilk factory!
In a hopeless attempt to retreive them, I laid the pages carefully beneath the ceiling fan. The ceiling fan did its best but what was lost was gone forever!
My most precious and one and only cookery book which had ALL the info I had gathered all these months... from mathan elissery to paneer butter masala..were all gone! The utter helplessness that was written all over my face was more than enough to bring a riot of laughter around me... but the loss for me was indeed a great one!
Thankyou Ceiling fan, for trying your best! :-) Here are the results -
Lessons learnt :
1) Never keep your cookery book next to the milk left for curdling. It might overflow and drench your cook book pages!
2) Never take down recipes using an ink-pen or gel pin. Always use a ball-point pen.
3) Never depend on cook books FOR EVER. Coz they are never there FOREVER.
1) Never keep your cookery book next to the milk left for curdling. It might overflow and drench your cook book pages!
2) Never take down recipes using an ink-pen or gel pin. Always use a ball-point pen.
3) Never depend on cook books FOR EVER. Coz they are never there FOREVER.
Friday, October 26, 2007
The Aunty - Uncle Phenomenon
Wondering what? Well, get married and you would know. I had anticipated a lot of things that I would have to face once I got married but this one somehow managed to creep out of my list!
My first hand experience was hardly a few weeks after we got married when I was walking with Sand,hand in hand on the pathway just outside our apartment. On pinkie-frockie 2 yr old kid and her boy friend came running behind us screaming "Auntieeeee....please movvvveeeee out of the way...we are playing !!" Their sudden shreiking itself had me jostled and on top of it those kids got me paranoid for another reason... "Aunty????? " and Sand, right in front of me was laughing as though he had read atleast 50 santa-banta series in one shot!
Welcome to the Aunty-Uncle club,all you newly-married people!! Your neighbour's kid will start addressing you as 'Aunty' even though you are only in your early twenties. Get married and for that matter, even an 18 year old will turn into "Aunty" sighhh!! Reminds me of the old Godrej hair dye ad that supposedly addressed a common burning issue!!
The second,third, fourth and n-number of incidents came in quick successions that I started getting really worried! Some relief flooded in when I heard the kids call Sand "Uncle" :-) Soon, if you observe, you find that its not just the kids who call you Aunty but their dotting moms too !!! "Say hi to aunty..." How much more can you tolerate !!
I am a little confused as to what exactly makes you an aunty..coz when I was a kid I used call all ladies wearing a sari as Aunty and the rest as "chechi" (sister in mallu). Or atleast, you had the sense to guess the age! I admit that you don't work out any equation or go through if-else condition in deciding whom to call what, they rather come spontaneously ,but my point was that a little analysis would show that this was how I(or for that matter many of you) concluded.
But on that fateful day, I was in my jeans n t-shirt and if my memory is right, wasn't looking more than my age... sad!! :-(
>Is marriage the culprit??? Yes it is!!
But then another question comes up naturally ...kids make no mistake in identifying if a couple (however young they may look) is married or not!! How do they do that!!! At the ripe age of 24,am still faltering when it comes to conclude if a guy and gal are "just friends" or "much more" !!
My first hand experience was hardly a few weeks after we got married when I was walking with Sand,hand in hand on the pathway just outside our apartment. On pinkie-frockie 2 yr old kid and her boy friend came running behind us screaming "Auntieeeee....please movvvveeeee out of the way...we are playing !!" Their sudden shreiking itself had me jostled and on top of it those kids got me paranoid for another reason... "Aunty????? " and Sand, right in front of me was laughing as though he had read atleast 50 santa-banta series in one shot!
Welcome to the Aunty-Uncle club,all you newly-married people!! Your neighbour's kid will start addressing you as 'Aunty' even though you are only in your early twenties. Get married and for that matter, even an 18 year old will turn into "Aunty" sighhh!! Reminds me of the old Godrej hair dye ad that supposedly addressed a common burning issue!!
The second,third, fourth and n-number of incidents came in quick successions that I started getting really worried! Some relief flooded in when I heard the kids call Sand "Uncle" :-) Soon, if you observe, you find that its not just the kids who call you Aunty but their dotting moms too !!! "Say hi to aunty..." How much more can you tolerate !!
I am a little confused as to what exactly makes you an aunty..coz when I was a kid I used call all ladies wearing a sari as Aunty and the rest as "chechi" (sister in mallu). Or atleast, you had the sense to guess the age! I admit that you don't work out any equation or go through if-else condition in deciding whom to call what, they rather come spontaneously ,but my point was that a little analysis would show that this was how I(or for that matter many of you) concluded.
But on that fateful day, I was in my jeans n t-shirt and if my memory is right, wasn't looking more than my age... sad!! :-(
>Is marriage the culprit??? Yes it is!!
But then another question comes up naturally ...kids make no mistake in identifying if a couple (however young they may look) is married or not!! How do they do that!!! At the ripe age of 24,am still faltering when it comes to conclude if a guy and gal are "just friends" or "much more" !!
Sunday, August 05, 2007
"Pls take an Orkut Photo for me...! "
Thanks to orkut, we have few new words to add to the dictionary. A friend of mine has made a remark on the word "scraps" but more than anything, I think its the word "orkut Photo" thats catching up fast in people's lingo..
Lets try examining what type of word it is..
Of course,its more of an adjective to the word photo.. "Da,pls take an orkut photo of mine .." which means it should be good enough to be put as a profile picture in orkut. As a matter of fact, in order to call a photo "orkut photo" ,it should satisfy the following criteria -
1) Even if I look like a mirror-cracking material in real, in an orkut photo I should like the hero/heroine right out of a sugar-coated-lovey-dovey H(B)ollywood movie.
2)The background should be perfect.. Preferably looking very similar to European countryside or New York skyline. If they can't be met, its alright,pls refer to point no : 4 for a solution.
3)There should be a touch of professional charm in the photography .. you know,something like showing you in a silhoutte with a tiny ray of sun peeping out beneath!
4) For guyz, you get extra points if the photo is taken to show a jazzy car/bike along..and for girls, its any photo where they are decked up like the ladies in kyon ki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi or for that matter, any other K-serials of Ekta Kapoor ...
5) For a handful of people, this kind of photo is taken in such tricky a way that you-will-know-its-me-but-you-can't-see-my-face... like creatively wearing a mask, taking the photo in such a way that only a portion of your face is seen (and the pose looks so natural sometimes!) These people fall in those category where they are strictly forbidden to put their photo in orkut after their worried parents/spouses read about orkut crimes (now, that will soon be another new word !) in newspapers.
6) Orkut photo also happens to be updated very frequently, like ones resume !
A recent trend in orkut photo culture is that people tend to have a "status message" along with their names where they mention if their album has been updated today or not! And then there is a swarm of activity in their scrap books "you look choooo cute yaar" blah-blah...
If you are going on a holiday, few pics are shot mandatorily just to make them candidates for orkut photos and after 5 rounds of heavy rigorous screening which is capable of scaring even our historic Abhimanyu , one of them gets to be "The chosen one". And what follows is another couple of rounds of editing contrast,lighting,removing red-eye blah-blah until the expected degree of "glamourism" is achieved!
All said and done, it would have taken half of your day...and with a satisfied smile you upload your "orkut foto", only to realise that your best friend whom you located recently is still looking at the glamorous "orkut foto" and wondering who you are!Here you are,listing down in his public scrapbook all those moments in your life that were too embarassing for words just to help your weak-memoried friend map the ugly-duckling in school to the glam-doll in the "orkut foto" ! Sigh! :-) But life goes on...
Happy Orkut Photography!
Lets try examining what type of word it is..
Of course,its more of an adjective to the word photo.. "Da,pls take an orkut photo of mine .." which means it should be good enough to be put as a profile picture in orkut. As a matter of fact, in order to call a photo "orkut photo" ,it should satisfy the following criteria -
1) Even if I look like a mirror-cracking material in real, in an orkut photo I should like the hero/heroine right out of a sugar-coated-lovey-dovey H(B)ollywood movie.
2)The background should be perfect.. Preferably looking very similar to European countryside or New York skyline. If they can't be met, its alright,pls refer to point no : 4 for a solution.
3)There should be a touch of professional charm in the photography .. you know,something like showing you in a silhoutte with a tiny ray of sun peeping out beneath!
4) For guyz, you get extra points if the photo is taken to show a jazzy car/bike along..and for girls, its any photo where they are decked up like the ladies in kyon ki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi or for that matter, any other K-serials of Ekta Kapoor ...
5) For a handful of people, this kind of photo is taken in such tricky a way that you-will-know-its-me-but-you-can't-see-my-face... like creatively wearing a mask, taking the photo in such a way that only a portion of your face is seen (and the pose looks so natural sometimes!) These people fall in those category where they are strictly forbidden to put their photo in orkut after their worried parents/spouses read about orkut crimes (now, that will soon be another new word !) in newspapers.
6) Orkut photo also happens to be updated very frequently, like ones resume !
A recent trend in orkut photo culture is that people tend to have a "status message" along with their names where they mention if their album has been updated today or not! And then there is a swarm of activity in their scrap books "you look choooo cute yaar" blah-blah...
If you are going on a holiday, few pics are shot mandatorily just to make them candidates for orkut photos and after 5 rounds of heavy rigorous screening which is capable of scaring even our historic Abhimanyu , one of them gets to be "The chosen one". And what follows is another couple of rounds of editing contrast,lighting,removing red-eye blah-blah until the expected degree of "glamourism" is achieved!
All said and done, it would have taken half of your day...and with a satisfied smile you upload your "orkut foto", only to realise that your best friend whom you located recently is still looking at the glamorous "orkut foto" and wondering who you are!Here you are,listing down in his public scrapbook all those moments in your life that were too embarassing for words just to help your weak-memoried friend map the ugly-duckling in school to the glam-doll in the "orkut foto" ! Sigh! :-) But life goes on...
Happy Orkut Photography!
Monday, June 04, 2007
Cooking for Dummies - The 10 point Mantra!
1) Before you start off anything,DO NOT check if you have all the ingredients. If you do so,believe me, you will not only end up having cooked nothing but also doubly hungry than what you were 2 hrs ago.
2) As a corollary to the above, it is a fact that you are never in posession of all the ingredients mentioned in the recipe. And DON'T even try to fetch them from somewhere!Its a waste of time! This was my first important lesson.
3) If the missing ingredients happen to be scattered mostly in the top portion of the recipe in the book, it means you are in danger.. (you are trying to make a chicken biriyani without chicken!). Instead if they are towards the bottom,breathe easy, leaving them out is purely harmless !
4) If you have decided to cook something, don't even think twice! Cook it!
5) While cooking non-veg, rely on those Meat Masalas to save your day! They make up for your bloopers very well! :-)
6) Keep stirring like crazy.... non-stop !!!!! :-))))
7)Keep your recipes out-of-reach of your victims so that you don't give them too much of hope and they don't know what exactly were you attempting to cook! (If the victim happens to be somebody who knows what exactly we possess and what we don't,then surely don't allow him/her to take a look, cos its people's nature to notice what is not than what is.. human
psychology ;-) )
8) Keep your utensils squeaky-clean. This way you earn trust of your victims ! This also slightly lessens their tension and helps them to relax (atleast,until they actually taste it!) ;-)
9) If the dishes get really bad, serve them in your bestest bowls (aesthetic appeal does a lot to soothe the strength of "de-complimenting" ;-) )
10) Finally, if you are lucky enough to get a pass score ,make sure you let the world know of it! Move the contents to a jazzier serving bowl, garnish it with anything that you lay your hands upon,take snaps from all angles and multiple lights ,send it across to all of your friends, declare it on your blog (if possible, update your orkut album too!!) ... phew! we are not done yet.. use your mobile fones buddies...call up friends and send sms!!!!
Once done with all this circus, bow to your audience and thank your victims for having co-operated :-D
Happy Cooking....Be a Winner!!!
PS :- Sorry Sand.., But I know u still love me :-p
2) As a corollary to the above, it is a fact that you are never in posession of all the ingredients mentioned in the recipe. And DON'T even try to fetch them from somewhere!Its a waste of time! This was my first important lesson.
3) If the missing ingredients happen to be scattered mostly in the top portion of the recipe in the book, it means you are in danger.. (you are trying to make a chicken biriyani without chicken!). Instead if they are towards the bottom,breathe easy, leaving them out is purely harmless !
4) If you have decided to cook something, don't even think twice! Cook it!
5) While cooking non-veg, rely on those Meat Masalas to save your day! They make up for your bloopers very well! :-)
6) Keep stirring like crazy.... non-stop !!!!! :-))))
7)Keep your recipes out-of-reach of your victims so that you don't give them too much of hope and they don't know what exactly were you attempting to cook! (If the victim happens to be somebody who knows what exactly we possess and what we don't,then surely don't allow him/her to take a look, cos its people's nature to notice what is not than what is.. human
psychology ;-) )
8) Keep your utensils squeaky-clean. This way you earn trust of your victims ! This also slightly lessens their tension and helps them to relax (atleast,until they actually taste it!) ;-)
9) If the dishes get really bad, serve them in your bestest bowls (aesthetic appeal does a lot to soothe the strength of "de-complimenting" ;-) )
10) Finally, if you are lucky enough to get a pass score ,make sure you let the world know of it! Move the contents to a jazzier serving bowl, garnish it with anything that you lay your hands upon,take snaps from all angles and multiple lights ,send it across to all of your friends, declare it on your blog (if possible, update your orkut album too!!) ... phew! we are not done yet.. use your mobile fones buddies...call up friends and send sms!!!!
Once done with all this circus, bow to your audience and thank your victims for having co-operated :-D
Happy Cooking....Be a Winner!!!
PS :- Sorry Sand.., But I know u still love me :-p
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