The Curious Case of Kuttan @ Wipro

They say that any stone you throw in Bengaluru will invariably land on an IT professional's head. I say any stone a Mallu(1) throws in Bengaluru will invariably land on another Mallu's head. Putting two and two together, lets all say that there is a ver huge probability of you listening to a "Poda #$%#%. Ninde okke appanu kallu perukkal aano da pani(2)" when you throw a stone in Bengaluru.

And so with that great "Law of Kallu-on-a-Mallu" explained lets move to a problem I frequently faced sometime ago.

Precisely, the one and a half "fresher years" of Wipro days. Those were the times when IRCTC was friendly, Kallada Travels did not mean Impossible and weekend trip home was not that big a chore to be planned months in advance.

In fact, meeting relatives and friends were also not a big deal. And so was attending somebody's wedding. Or a temple visit.

A common episode that followed in such occasions.

Random Person is RP from now on.

RP : "Are you working in Bangalore?"
Me : "Yes, RP Uncle/Aunty."
RP : "Which company?"
Me : "Wipro."
RP : "Oh Wipro? My sister's husband's sister's son also works in Wipro."

(Comment: Corollary to "Law of Kallu-on-a-Mallu": Any Mallu back in Kerala can, at any time, produce a list of at least 4 other Mallus he/she knows who works in Wipro AND TCS AND CTS AND Infosys in Bengaluru - Yes, I mean 4 separate lists - mind you!)

Me : "Is it? That is nice. Wipro is a very big office. "

(Comment: That is my way of telling them to stop that thread from going to the exact direction I feared. Nevertheless, nobody bothers to pick that hint!)

RP : "He has been there for 2 years now. Campus placement."

Me : "OK. That is nice. Which office is he in? "

(Comment: The hint is lost in the sea of Nadaswarams I guess. RP is keen on continuing the thread - in that same direction which I didn't like)

RP : "Bangalore Office. Wipro. "

Me : "There are four big Wipro offices in Bangalore. And few smaller ones."

RP : "Athonnum ariyilla (I don't know). All I know is that its in Bangalore."

Me : "What is his name, RP Uncle/Aunty?"

RP : "Aiyyo mole. I don't know his real name. We call him Kuttan at home. "

Me : (Smile)

(Comment: I knew what would come next. I had to "discover" a Wipro-ite who cannot be searched on the company database, is tall, fair, curly haired from Mannarkkad. My lone clue : he is called "Kuttan" at home.)

RP : "He is very tall. And fair. His hair is curly. "

Me : (Smile)

(Comment: Yeah, it was not a great info. I guessed that anyways!)

RP : "Molkku kandupidikkaan pattuo? (Can you find him?)"

Me : "Not without his full name, RP Uncle/Aunty. We have a database and we need the name to search it. "

RP : "Oh. OK. I think his name is Arun. I don't know his full name. He is very tall and fair. You can't miss spotting him in a crowd. "

Me : "OK." (Smile)

-----------------------

Well, now you know why I quit Wipro ;-)
Since then I have moved to a company where the probability of the existence of a Kuttan or a Baiju is remote. So people change topic the moment I mention the name of my current company. But for people who remember the fact that I was in Wipro once upon a time, the story remains the same!

So how many Kuttans have you tried hunting for in Wipro? :-p



Note:

1. "Mallu": I have not used this word to offend any of my Malayali brother/sister. I am quite comfortable being called a Mallu. I understand many of you might not be. Apologies, if this hurts.

2. (Not effectively) Translated to: "Get Lost! Does your father pick stones for a job?"

Thriller

She chewed the pop corns slower than before. She sat motionless; her gaze steadily fixed on the TV, almost forgetting about the caramel flavor soaking in her mouth.

He looked up from the book he was reading for a split second and exclaimed

"Oh this one! Where Bruce Willis is a ghost?"

and walked out.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loosely based on a real life incident; thanks to my bro :-p

Urumi = Pazhassi Raja + Raavan + Asoka

Disclaimer: No, this is not a review. I can't dare to write a review on a movie when I didn't understand half the dialogues!

After a week of initiating the Lets-watch-Urumi-today mail thread among the OPT-ians, Sand and me decided to go on our own when skpan gave the great news that most of the people in the group watched it already!

So yesterday we set out to Innovative multiplex after dinner for the 10 pm show. Crowd was less.

I had read at least 5 reviews, all calling it an average-above-average movie, each one mentioning the excellent job Genelia D'souza has done in particular. Having never liked Pritviraj so much I was honestly only interested in the Genelia role that the reviews liberally lauded.

I had read the plot too. Even read that the first 20 minutes would make little sense. I was least perturbed when it didn't :-) I consoled Sand repeating what the reviewer said.

I think I rather not discuss the plot much. I would need somebody to narrate me the story again. So let the story rest in peace. Some thoughts that ran into my mind as I stifled a million yawns

1) Pritviraj's Psychological Problem(PPP):

I think Pritviraj watched Mammootty's Pazhassi Raja a thousand times that he
started empathising and after a while "being" Pazhassi Raja - a la Shobhana-Nagavalli in Manichitratazhu. He must have threatened Santhosh Sivan with dire consequences while in his "psychosis to neurosis" if he didn't direct a movie for him with Pritviraj doing a quasi-Pazhassi role. And so Urumi happened.

2) Damsels:

But Pritviraj was clear about his heroine. He didn't want the Makam style damsel of Pazhassi Raja whose only role was to weep through out the movie - Weep when hero gets up, weep when hero walks, weep when hero laughs so much that the makam lady would have had a muscle cramp(!) on her face every night! So he chose Arakkal Ayesha (Genelia) who is at her lithesome best! He left the weeping part to be done by Chirakkal Bala (Nithya Menon) in the end when she lost her love(Prabhudeva with a strange name - Vavali something?) to a bullet.

3) The Set Wet Look:

Raavan had the whole crew in drenched clothes, wet unkempt hair in the entire movie. People always looked as if they just had a bath under a water fall. Aishwarya rai's clothes were always soggy. Her hair always dripping with water. Asoka had Kareena Kapoor in water. SRK too. Drenched clothes and unkempt hair again. So is in Urumi. Genelia is dripping in water in most of the scenes with Pritviraj. All songs are shot as if in an "ancient water theme park"! All damsels are wet in at least 1 song. Santosh Sivan likes the wet look and the unruly locks of hair falling all over the face. Period.

4) Vidya Balan:

I still didn't understand what she did at the temple. Was it a dance? Who was she? What was her role? Really, can somebody appear and disappear from a movie like that! I guess it was the Santosh Sivan brand name that she fell for which made her sign this one! Santosh Sivan would have clarified her role thus "Mole, nee onnu ivde vannu mudi okke azhichu oru 4 times clock-wise and 4 times anti-clock-wise tala karakki veettil pokko." (Roughly: "My dear daughter, just come over here and let loose your hair and turn your head four times in the clock-wise direction and four times in the anti-clockwise direction and you can go home!"). Or Vidya must have taken this item song as a practice session for her next movie where she plays the famous deceased South Indian sex siren. Whatever!

5) Amigos! nao inimigos:

Vasco Da Gama provided some comic relief with his strange giggle before he started his dialogues. Almost like in the Angry Birds "he he he". Pure unadulterated fun. From where did they manage to get the cast?? Vasco's son Estevao-something was equal fun to watch.

6) Genelia D'Souza:

Arakkal Ayesha was the saving grace of the movie. The camera has pampered her well too. Never noticed that she had such lovely doe-eyes. The surma added the right charm to them and the Muslim princess looked gorgeous, even when she did apparently manly fight scenes. Good job and thank you :-)

7) Tabu? :

Appeared for 1/100th of a milli second and fled the fields, in the same outfit. Was that really Tabu or did I imagine this part?

8) Urumi:

I wouldn't have cared even if it had been a sword, dagger or a hockey stick - Seriously! Does that make any difference??

9) Cinematography:

Can't comment much on Santosh Sivan's direction. But when it comes to cinematography, he is a second to no one. Urumi would have left me sleeping in the multiplex had it not been for this. Classy location (I hear same as Ravan's), beautiful shots though some look like repeated from Raavan and Asoka.

10) The blah-blah-blah:

Sorry, but I hardly understood 40% what they spoke in Malayalam! In fact I was relieved when they spoke Portuguese, because they showed the subtitles in English then! Most dialogues were long and complicated. The ones that were short were mostly jokes. And fortunately, worth a laugh. KPAC Lalitha's narration in the beginning felt reassuring!

11) Innovative Multiplex:


I-multiplex sound system was a huge pain. The seating looked strange with so many extra cushions on most of the chairs! Most of them were moved to the nearest empty chair and piled. Wonder how they came in the first place! The chairs were uncomfortable. As always, I never got to see the full screen - the silhouetted head of the guy sitting in front of me was embedded on the screen like every time.


Back home at 1. Discussions on the movie till 1:35 until we started feeling really bad about watching it. So watched the "Poorangalude pooramaaya..." dialogue from "Pranji ettan and the Saint" on You-tube for stress-busting and fell into a comfortable sleep.

A Whine

Will I see the light of the day?
or will I be saved for another day?
or will you trash me without a delay?

Will I be read?
Will I be loved?
and will I be shared?

Will I be commented on?
Or Will I be left to move on?
But don't I deserve to be smiled upon?

Will you laugh?
Or will you be rough?
Is that coz you are too tough?

Will I be waited for?
Day after day for more?
Or will you see me as a bore?

Am explained it's not easy
That I get made everyday, you see
Now why does my creator act like a busy-bee?

Yours,
A blog post.

Why can't I find him handsome?

Long long ago, when Bollywood was singing all about dil, jigar, pyar, deewana and mastana again and again, the 7 year old me used to swoon at Aamir Khan's boyish charms in QSQT. He was the cutest I thought. Soon enough Salman Khan and Bhagyashree did all those Friend-cap and Kabootar things and I was again floored by this guy's eyes.

The Khans kept me glued to bollywood for a very long time and I switched tags from one Khan to other as my fave hero. Mr. India, Darr, Baazigar and all those Khiladis didn't deter me from my duo-khans.

It took a DDLJ to shift loyalties towards the third Khan and I was lost in those swiss cow-bells, mandolins and sarson ke kheth, and of course, Shah Rukh Khan. KKHH and DTPH reinforced the devotion. I was the loony-toony SRK loving teen eagerly waiting for his next movie.

A new guy on the block - the Roshan son, failed to impress because I hated his light eyes. John Abraham was liked for a few obvious reasons but I still remained SRK fan. Then came the big shocker - KKKG - It was hard to believe that somebody could draw out so much of hatred from me, that too for somebody I used to like! I still think it was KKKG that brought the fultoos change in me - I not only started hating SRK like never before but also lost interest in the other Khans, the Kapoors, the Kumars, the Abrahams, the Roshans.. everybody.

For years it never struck me that I did not have a bollywood pin-up hero like every other girl. Just a few years back I gave it a serious thought - so who do I like in Bollywood? Blank. I watched a lot of movies but never really liked/bothered about the hero. Gosh! What was happening? Oh my god, I don't like any of those hot bollywood young or old stars!!I panicked! Am I OK??!!!

As soon as I confided my worst fears with S, I also realized I didn't like anybody in Tamil industry or Malayalam industry either, save a few oldies from Hollywood like Sean Connery(almost bald!), Nicholas Cage (almost bald!) and George Clooney (not yet bald!). Now, this was so un-Indian-girlish!!

When S asked me to think of all possibilities and say a few names of bollywood stars whom I might find even remotely attractive, I thought.. hard.. for a very long time.. and then carefully picked the answers..

"Rahul Bose... Ranvir Shorey...and.."

and before I could complete, S stopped me with a motion of his hand.

S: "That's enough.. Can I tell you something honestly?"

Me: "Yeah.. whats it?"

S: "Please don't tell your choices to anyone"

:-S

So, there I am, wondering, why I can't find the usual stars handsome!!!

This and that..

I'm back! I agree it was an unreasonably long hiatus and even the customary new year post was missing. I blame it alllll on motivation - err the lack of :-) What a relief! ;-)

There has been no one-great-change that has affected the attention on Doodles. It was just a culmination of zero motivation, lack of enthusiasm and my good old laziness which got the better of me. The handful of visitors have also dwindled. People (let me be specific - Dad) who used to come atleast to feed my pet panda,Po, some bamboo shoots also don't come now. No wonder my dah-ling Po looks so malnurished :-(

Did I tell you about the surprise gift I got recently? Surprise gifts and I rarely go together - be it the gifting part or receiving part. Explaining the goof ups in the former will require a blogpost on its own so I'd rather stick to explaining the latter, which are relatively lesser in number. You realize how pathetic you are when you kept a surprise secret for almost 2 days but broke it when there was just an hour more to go. No more comments!

Yeah, now about the receiving part. There are two types of surprise-gift category here. Receiving a gift from somebody you didn't expect one is a surprise gift. Receiving an unexpected gift from somebody you expected one is The Surprise Gift that I like! The probability of the first category happening is HUGE. On the other hand, the second category is extremely rare. This is because I either end up guessing what the gift can be or they tell me what they are getting for me or mostly, I demand that they give me this exact thing that I want. Let me admit, I remember JUST ONE INSTANCE of being Surprise-Gifted in the true manner of the second category and that was 12-13 years ago when Dad gifted me a cycle pump (yeah folks, I agree no frills. But you would realize the worth of having one at home when you had to push your cycle almost everyday all the way to the guy who did this).

So I, naturally, almost fainted when the second one came last month. We were celebrating our 4th anniversary of Marital Bliss (oh yeah, laugh!). Being the 4th and as the limit tends to infinity we had apprehensions about having those cliched cake cuttings, wine and PDA's. So this time around we decided to stay at home and spend less! Spend Less - Ok, I got the point immediately. Probably I would be gifted a mug with You-are-the-best-Wife type lies written on it or may be I will "earn a Bournville" as I have never earned one until now or something from the Archies shop that they call cute, cuddly and sweet which is priced equally cute. I believed I can probably demand a dress too, he might relent.

When the D-day came I had still not decided what I would gift him. It was not because I was confused with the options. I simply thought it was much easier to take him somewhere and allow him to pick what he wanted. And since Spending Less was his part of the agenda, he would keep my purse stable. May be another mug if he isn't able to :-p

I now wonder why it didn't sound awkward to me when he kept conveying the same message throughout the day on all possible communication channel - chats, mails, calls, SMS, face to face - multiple times.

The message was "Talk to me if you have plans to get me something expensive. Talk. Talk. Talk." I
didn't pay heed to it as it was just not applicable! I wasn't getting him anything more than 500 bucks anyways!

After work, I got busy searching for a good place to dine and that was when he dragged me to the next room to "show me something interesting". There, in a Croma packet was a box with Canon written on it!!!

I guess I won't get another Surprise Gift from him from now on - the shreik almost brought the neighbours in! And my question almost made him shreik.. "Nee Canon aano mediche??" (Did you buy Canon??) for he replied "What??? Did you also buy a Canon for me???" For the innocent man that he was he thought his worst fears were coming true - we were going to have 2 Canon EOS 1000D at home :-p

Fortunately, I was far less romantic than he thought. It was embarassing that I had not got anything
for him then, but adding salt to the wound was my next statement "No..But I wanted a Nikon!!". There, the damage was done! After a little bit of cajoling and statements like Yeah, Canon is good too, things got back to normal.

So that was my Surprise Gift that I almost lost. Since that day I have been mostly found with the gift around my neck zooming on random things at home - garlic flakes, boxes, vegetables, pens - you name it, I have captured it. I think he now regrets getting me this.

Our Resolutions – Year After Year!

So it is December already! Some call it the month for retrospection where we look back with pride and see our achievements written in gold while many others feel December is the excuse God created to forgive ourselves for everything that we couldn't pull this year. December is the corner; we make the turn and it is a new beginning, all over again!



A new beginning signifies changes. And inevitably, it leads us to resolutions, in particular the New Year Resolutions. I can see you smile now! Well, admittedly, for lesser mortals like us, coming up with resolutions for the New Year is a daunting task. This is probably because we have almost lost respect for this term trying to follow the same resolution of staying fit(ter) year after year over the last 5 years and we prefer something different this year! Secondary to this reason is the pressure that the entire universe is putting on us to come up with wackier resolutions, so much that its not a concern whether we choose to follow it or not! Our parents think its high time we "settled down and became more responsible", our manager thinks its high time we started playing a significant role in our team and so developed the skills accordingly, our friends think we are worth our weight in gold for an MBA and so should give it a try and our magazine team in the division thinks we should send one or two resolutions for the contest they are organizing too. And of course, the pressure within us to change! Do we need more?



I almost forgot to mention the choices we have these days. Remember those days when New Year resolutions boringly read "I shall improve my hand writing", "I shall read at least 2 books every month" or "I shall visit the temple every day."? Today we have endless choices in both 'encouraging' and 'discouraging' resolutions. By “encouraging” I mean "I shall fulfill my parents wishes and get married this year" ,"I shall start my own tech blog" and "I shall spend more time with my family and aim at a healthy work-life balance". The latter types are "I shall quit smoking.. err.. wait, I mean I shall smoke only 3 per day", "I shall not shop/spend on impulse every time I see a shop!" or "I shall not spend more than 8 hours(!) a day on Facebook". The time and tested resolutions like going to the gym, waking up early and reaching office on time and lowering your cholesterol levels have reined the list since eternity, for Humanity thinks its a sin to erase them off the list.



All said and done, by the end of December you too would have a list of little-somethings to call it your resolution and save your face. It is a different question if the list is same as the list that you had last year or the year before, the important question is whether you have a list or not. After solemn pledging and declarations that hint we might turn over a new leaf the moment the clock strikes 12 we set out to welcome the New Year and hopefully, a new ‘I’.



January is the month we fall in love with ourselves, all over again! The sheet of resolutions proudly stuck on our wall is still intact and we can’t but think “Yes! I made it this year!” But sadly, we now guess that when that great somebody said something about history repeating itself, he probably was staring at his own resolution sheet peeling off from his wall.



So have you made yours?


PS: Wrote this for a light reading column in the division newsletter. My estranged blog gave me this woebegone look that melted my heart. So did a copy-paste here.

The Late Night Cab

Hurriedly, she locked her boards and cables in her draw and walked out of the door wrapping her shawl around. As she signed at the security gates she glanced at her watch. 11:30 PM. The December night was chilly. She walked towards her cab clutching her shawl closer to her body.

The driver was not seen anywhere. She opened the rear door and waited inside. Her mobile in her hand lit up followed by a beep.

1 new message.

"What time are you coming home?".
Her thumbs quickly texted back a reply "Soon..".

The light from the mobile lit up her young face so gently that she looked angelic, even after clocking 14 hours in there!

Just then a man in white-and-white uniform walked down the parking and got into the Indica. With a quick gesture he asked where she had to be dropped to. "Koramangala, BDA complex. Bere yaaru ilva?", she asked, forming a sentence from her minimal Kannada vocabulary. He replied with a negative.

As the car zoomed past sleepy apartments, empty roads and unattended traffic signals, she pulled down the glasses of her window and kept herself awake. Her eyes could no longer stay awake but she forced them open as they drooped.

She kept an eye on the road. She kept an eye on the driver. Is he on the right road? Is he drunk? Am I safe here, in this car, with this driver? Is he... will he... What if.. Should I.. questions flew about inside her head.

She stared closely at the driver through the rear view. Unshaven. Unruly mop of hair. Pan chewed mouth. All of a sudden she felt so insecure that she wanted to lock herself within the comforts of her home. Far away, inside her head, voices screamed that she was, after all, a woman!

Oh yeah, a salwar-clad demure Indian woman? An Indian woman on whom you can cast your lecherous glance on? Sorry Sir! No more your weakling! The hands that make you rotis can not only type on the keyboard, but wield a sword too, for all you care!

She slipped her fingers into her hand-bag searching for her solace.

Yes, it was there, her pepper spray and her black-belt.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To you, Pratibha Shrikanth Murthy. May your soul get the justice it deserves, soon.

You have comments on your photographs!!

If somebody collects all the comments people received on their photographs posted on different social networking sites, there is a very high possibility that they would all fall into any one of the below mentioned categories.

1. The made-for-each-other-comment : OK, Now this one will make 50% of all the comments. Any picture which has a guy and girl and nobody else in it will definitely fetch any of these comments with 100% chances : "Wow! You make a great couple", "Man, you both look great together!", "Cool.. both of you look fab in this one", "Awesome pair". Forget the fact that they might be a bro-sis pair, just-friends pair or yeah, as the viewer would have liked them to be - engaged. But who knows! Or rather, who cares!
2. The how-sweet-babies-comment : Alright, I agree, all babies are cute. I know it, you know it and the new mama knows it too. No matter what, the SNS rule states that no baby's pic should stay fetching for comments for longer than 10 seconds post the time of its upload! And a second rule states that every baby picture will receive a constant comment "Howwwwww s(ch)weeeet"; the only variable part allowed can be the number of 'w's and 'e's. Please note "Howww s(ch)weeeet" is the universal constant. Regional constants like "Chakkkkkkkara" are also substitutable.
3. The wow-comment : This comment is just that! You click next, and you actually tell it out before typing it down as a comment. This is usually found beneath pictures of great places, wall-paper candidates, somebody's new haircut/new look/ new clothes, new car, new bike, new wife... ok, just kidding, leave that last one out ;-) Short comment, nevertheless makes the the photo uploader glow like a young bride.
4. The LOL or ROFL- comment : This forms a minority because you rarely find people who would like to make a fool of themselves on social networking sites especially when single and ready to mingle :-P Hence, of the very few occurrences, the most common is beneath pictures of babies doing funny things, a bunch of guys all gone unusually crazy or next to a picture of your pet.
5. The Awesome-comment : All other comments that we have remaining will fall under this category. In case you are wondering what to comment on a particular snap and you badly want to do it too, then rely on these for they are multi-purpose comments - one size fits all! "Awesome", "Awesome!!", "Awwwwwwwwesome", "Truly Awesome!", "Simply Awwwwsome!", "Gosh! Awesome!", "Man! Its Awesome!!", "This-Awesome!!", "That-Awesome!!"... I think this word is the only other word whose popularity in usage has soared high post the success of SNS; the other word being, yes, you guessed it right, "fraaanship" :-)

The above ones are the safest that yours truly relies on and they satisfy most of the situations ;-) If you have other interesting categories, don't forget to pen them down in the comments section!

And I never thought I'd ever miss..

1. Walking back home: Less than 10 years ago walking back from college was the most hated thing. I was always the 'autorikshaw person'! Walking back home then meant aching legs, sweat, the evening traffic, the swarm of people rushing back home, the buses almost brushing your sides and as if they were not enough, heavy bags and lab records in hand, at times the mini drafter as well. And today, the office cab drops me right in front of my gate and volvos stop a metre away from home. Oh yeah, lets not forget the car and the bike too! Today, thoughts about walking back home is not clouded with aching legs or buses any more; rather I miss all the giggles and gossips, chats and pranks, snacks and fun with friends that was part of the walk. Today, I hardly walk, let alone walk with friends!
2. Getting drenched in the rain to the skin: One drop of rain on my shoes and I got into a maniacal state. There was always this thought fed into the Malayali minds to reach home/college/wherever one is supposed to go before it starts raining. Rains weren't romantic then when one was out in it - how could it be when your wet dripping umbrella would form a mini-pool wherever it was placed, when every auto driver's towel would be so wet that it can't be used to wipe the back seats anymore and the honour is on your salwar to do so or when your slippers made embarrassing noises gurgling with water while you walked. It was days and days of almost continuous rains and one used to wait for it to cease. Today, my umbrella hardly sees light! Today, we stay in a place where any drizzle beyond 10 minutes leads to fallen trees, over flowing drains and the newspapers term it "heavy rains".
3. Non-exotic Kerala foods I took for granted: No, they were not my fave of faves then. Pazham puzhungiyatu (steamed bananas) or mathi varatatu (fried sardines) are something ultra mundane and non-exotic. One is so used to eating them that there was nothing to relish! There is a lot of difference between one yearning for mom's special curry and one yearning for something as simple as steamed bananas; its hard to justify the latter :-)
4. Power Cuts: This, from the lips of a Bangalorean, might shock you. I wasn't mentioning the day long power cuts, but those 30 mins/ 1 hour power cuts that used to happen everyday in the evenings for a few months. That was the time when the family did nothing and everybody was in one room, faces partially lit by the yellow glow from a single candle or the 'emergency lamp'. Mosquitoes buzzing in chorus, shadow puppets, the deadly red glow when you wrap your fingers tightly over the torch beam, the rain pelting on the windows and the music of the crickets.. I remember them all! Power cuts today are either from dawn to dusk or if you are lucky, you might have a gen back up. Both cases, they don't evoke anything!
5. Surprise Guests: Having your mom's colleague and family visit you in the evenings of a week day or dad's cousin's cousin's cousin and family drop by on a Sunday morning while they were on their way to some other place was always a very frequent occurrence. Visits, in those days were so informal. No prior calls, no syncing of calendars to fix a date and no elaborate lunch preparations. They just walked in one fine day, drank a cup of tea/coffee and ate snacks, light talks and off they go. A similar visit would be returned on another weekday at their place too. While the parents talked, kids made new friends. But at times, visits like this throw all the plans you had to visit the fair at the town out of the window and you are forced to switch off the TV and be with guest right when the cricket is going on live. You grumble about "surprise guests" who spoil your plans. Today, we hardly go visiting somebody or take pains to invite anybody home! Weekends are exclusively for being lazy. And even when somebody is invited, it has to start with calendar syncs, buying all the stuffs in a super market to cook a lunch and then so busy with cooking that you forget to sit and chat! And worse still, today nobody walks in to your home 'one fine day' - isn't it considered impolite!!! I miss a surprise visit!

And all the while, I never though I'd ever miss these!!

2 Quick Stories..

Here are two quick stories; lest I feel guilty about ignoring this space!

Both stories revolve around the same solitary diamond pendant. No wonder he got terrified when I sent it to him for a first read. He wrote back "Is this some kind of a hint???" :-)

Disclaimer : I don't want one. Don't you worry!

So here goes..

Women Empowerment

"Surprise!"
He opened the blue box, and there it was, the sparkling solitary diamond pendant.

"Damn it! You spent your bonus on this??"
"Don't tell me you don't like it! You think I didn't catch you checking this out at the jeweler's and keeping it back last weekend?"
"Gaaawwwdd..damn it damn it..so your dream DSLR?"
"Next time, next bonus.. I can wait, baby!"
"Dumbo!", and she walked into the bedroom.

"Whats the matter with you?", he followed her to the wardrobe holding the blue box.
"Here, have a look. I got my bonus yesterday", she said and placed a blue box in his other hand.

He opened, and there it was, the same sparkling solitary diamond pendant.


Absent minded Hubby

"Surprise!"
He opened the blue box, and there it was, the sparkling solitary diamond pendant.

Her face turned to dismay. "Damn it! Did you REALLY buy this for my birthday??"
"Don't tell me you didn't like this! I know you have always wanted a solitary diamond pendant"
"Oh yes, I do, but not so much that you should keep getting me exactly the same pendant year after year for my birthday.

Work Life Balance??

vs

Ed 07 April, 2010 : Realized I had forgotten to add 2 important words to the first word cloud. "Thenga kola" and "Maanga tholi" in BIG fonts.

Girl == Pink!

We like rainbows to be VIBGYOR.
We like trees to be green.
We like chocolates to be brown (at times white)
We like the denims to be blue.
And laptops or phones to be black/grey/similar shade.
So do you.
Can't understand why they make a PINK version of every gadget and claim its for us!!!!

Happy to help?

Trring Trrring.

Me : "Hello?"
Caller : "Am I speaking to Ms Priya Mahadevan*?"
Me : "Yes, speaking."
C : "Ma'am am Shilpa* calling from Vodafone. This is a confirmation call. Ma'am, can I confirm a few things with you please?"
Me : "Yes.. please."

C : "Ma'am, is your name Priya Mahadevan*?"
Me : "Yes." (Huh? I thought you checked that after I said hello!)
C : "And your e-mail id is mailto:priya.mahadevan@gmail.com*?
Me : "Yes."
C : "And your DOB is 1st Jan 1981*"
Me : "Yes." (Any gift-plans?)
C : "And your favourite ice cream flavour is chocolate?"
Me : "Right!"
OK, she didn't ask me that last question. But she asked me many other almost-related questions.

...

C : "Are you aware of your call plans ma'am?"
Me : "Yes, I am."
C : "Even if you are aware, let me explain ma'am."
Me : "hmm.." (What the..!)
C : "Ma'am your talk plan is blah blah blah blah blah blah ma'am. Ma'am you have blah blah blah top up blah blah blah. Ma'am you also have blah blah blah blah ma'am. Blah Blah blah blah".

After about 3 minutes.

Me : (3,2,1 breathe. 3,2,1 breathe)
Me : "Thanks!"
C : "Are you aware of your call and sms charges ma'am?"
Me : "Yes yes am very much aware! You don't need to explain." (Please!)
C : "Even if you are aware, let me explain ma'am."
Me : Grrrrrrrrrrr
C : "Ma'am your local blah blah blah blah. Blah blah ma'am. Ma'am blah blah blah blah blah. Ma'am blah blah blah blah. Ma'am blah blah blah. Blah blah blah ma'am."
Me : "Sigh!"

C : "Do you want to know anything else ma'am?"
Me : "No. Please. Thanks. Please. Please. Please!"
C : "Thank you for calling Vodafone ma'am. This is Shilpa* talking to you from Vodafone. Happy to help. Have a nice day ma'am!"
Me : Huh! I thought you called me!!! :-S

*- all names, numbers changed to protect, you know, privacy :)

A vacation, hangover and a movie

Those 3 words sum up my days pretty well. In fact, I realized, I don't have anything to write after I wrote the heading!

We took a break and flew to Thai land for 5 days. Considering the fact that my leaves were tentative even on the eve of the weekend, it was a miracle that it did happen!

And more importantly, am glad that it did. Thailand was chosen because it promised to fit snugly into our small pockets. To some extent, it did and was worth every penny (baht!) shelled.

We spent 2 days in the city of Bangkok, watching the bustling city co-exist with the historic Wats (Buddhist temples in Thai) with seamless ease; like India, may be! Since English speaking Thai are a rarity, we found our self playing Dumb Charades, most of the time, right in the middle of the roads! "Could you tell me why the Palace is closed today" is deftly translated to "Why (2 palms facing skywards) closed (2 arms crossed)? King coming?"!! Was fun, I tell you!

Among other interesting places in Bangkok, we found this amazing food court in Siam Paragon ground floor where you will be spoiled for choices. OK, I found just one veg counter among, probably, 500 counters. Being a hard core non-veg helped! Khao pat, Pad Thai, Tom yum are the common signature words we learnt in this quest! As for me, I preferred to check every thing that had a mention of gai or kai (chicken)! In the end, it would all boil down to any one of the famous red/green or yellow curry, as R said!

The next 3 days were spent at Phuket. To my surprise, Phuket showed striking similarity to Kerala and Goa. The typical Portuguese style houses (a search on the internet now confirms my guess - Phuket indeed has lot of Sino-Portuguese architecture), the beaches, the relaxed locals, the coconut-influence in the Southern Thai cuisine(rather the Thai Muslim curries), the surplus cashew and rubber plantations,the massage parlours(!!), and not to mention, the tide of Western tourists. But I heard Sand drifting off to a "When-I-was-in-the-US" style "Reminds me of Florida" :-)

Phi phi islands getaway was our #1 in the agenda. I had ogled at the turquoise colored water on the Google maps for too long to miss this one. And it didn't disappoint at all. Cliched, you might think, but there is not a better way to describe it - Pristine beaches, turquoise water, right-out-of-a-lost-world hidden bays, and the most beautiful corals and fishes. It will make no sense me describing. I won't do justice! Check it out yourself. I rest my case!

Khai Nai island. (click to enlarge)

So thats about a short write-up. Being back in Bangalore faced with the chore of unpacking, washing, grocery shopping and cooking; worst of all, the fast coming Monday turned me a maniac for the weekend. This week trudged on with me still thinking I was waking up at Phuket each morning and then realizing that I had a job to attend to :-( This has been my worst, lengthiest hangover ever. Sand says one look at Shanthi Sagar got him to back to real life. But for me, Shanthi Sagar also reminds me of exotic Thai dishes :-((

And to break the monotony of the week, we friends planned an OPT on Wednesday. Movie chosen was Kerala Cafe. A half-burnt Innovative Multiplex still lured us all with a ticket priced Rs. 100 (a jackpot in Bangalore!). If you can comprehend Malayalam, then just don't miss this. I'm not going to give a detailed review (like this *don't click that if you plan to watch the movie* crazy guy at rediff who didn't leave out any spoiler from the review - sue him!) or even a basic one. If you badly want one, may be you can wait for it to appear here. All I say is just go for it. Its a rare experiment of Anthology movie, done by 10 talented Malayalam directors and crew. Each story is woven in ten minutes with skill unmatched. One movie which tells you Malayalam cinema is still in safe hands! Made me feel a proud Keralite.

PS : Interesting Thai trivia - 'Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Yuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Phiman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit' is the full ceremonial name of Bangkok, the world's longest name for a city!

Book Review : '2 States, the story of my marriage' - Chetan Bhagat

Chetan Bhagat's fourth book '2 States, the story of my marriage' comes about a year and half after his third book 'The 3 Mistakes of My Life' and is no less enjoyable than his first best-seller 'Five Point Someone - What not to do at IIT'.


'2 States, the story of my marriage' is claimed to be inspired by the author's own love-story. The plot revolves around Krish Malhotra, a Punjabi brought-up in Delhi and his IIM-A classmate Ananya Swaminathan, a Tam-Brahm, who fall desperately in love with each other and want to get married soon. They soon discover that falling in love and getting married in India was not as easy as it sounds. "Love marriages around the world are simple : Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. They get married. In India, there are a few more steps : Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. Girl's family has to love boy. Boy's family has to love girl. Girls' family has to love boy's family. Boy's family has to love girl's family. Girl and boy still love each other. They get married.", says the blurb. And if the families don't like each other, we have enough material to write a 269-page book that is '2 States, ..'.

The narrative, done through the eyes of Krish, is crisp and humour-laden. The extend to which Krish or Ananya go to convince the other parent draws a big smile on the reader's face. A major portion of the story is concentrated on the Punjabi vs Tamil differences in culture which is most of the time funny, but might get offending at times; especially when Krish's mother keeps referring to the 'Madrasis' as black-skinned and Punjabis as 'white as milk'. On the other side, Ananya's parents also find enough fault in Krish's big-mouthed mother who seemed "Intellectually culturally zero" to them! But that send the sparks flying and the love-stuck couple has to get their acts together to get the families together if they wanted their love to have a future.

Chetan Bhagat has managed to successfully bring out finer nuances of the 2 states by statements like "Nothing soothes an upset Punjabi like dairy products" when Krish tries to pacify his mom after she came to know that her son had a "Madrasin" for a girl-friend or when Krish enters Ananya's home in Mylapore and thinks "A Punjabi house is never this silent even when people sleep at night". The characters of Krish's mom is easily very close to real life and so are Ananya's bank-employed father and Carnatic music-trained mother.

The book can be easily waved off as a 100% entertainer and nothing more but for some thoughtful yet simple lines like "The world's most sensible person and the biggest idiot both stay within us. The worst part is, you can't even tell who is who" or "Sometimes in life you just meet someone or hear something that nudges you on the right path. And that becomes the best advice. It could just be a bit of common sense said in a way that resonates with something in you. It's nothing new, but because it connects with you it holds meaning to you". How many times have we all felt this!

It is these subtle thoughts that "2 States, the story of my marriage" keep the reader engrossed till the last page and empathize with the lead pair in their roller-coaster ride. A thoroughly enjoyable read which can be finished in one sitting. I'm sure this book is the answer to pass time on a rainy weekend or an uneventful train journey. A likely Bollywood-wooer, I see very high chances of it getting adapted into a movie.

The paper-back edition is published by Rupa Publications and is priced at Rs 95.

PS : Have never written a book review for my blog. And I guess I never will! This was written for a newsletter in office and since I was going through the worst of "no-topics-to-write-abt-on-my-blog" dilemma (don't feel justified to call it "writer's block".. writer who :-p) and so decided to Ctrl-V it here as well :-)

A day in her life..

I stood near the door of this boutique all day long, as if waiting for someone.

Dressed in a denim jeans and white tank top, I could give many a ramp-model a run for her money. My golden locks fell all around my shoulders with its dark streaks glinting in the rays of the morning sun. My stilettos added another 4 inch to an already tall figure. I wore a jazzy belt to accentuate my size-zero waist. And I just stood there all day long, tilted slightly towards my left and my hands in my pocket, with a tiny smile plastered on my face.

Kids smile at me and sometimes tug at my arms. They are the only people I like. Twenty-something-females would stand and stare at my clothes for a good minute before walking away, much to my embarrassment. And if that wasn't enough, some crazy men would link arms with me and pose for photographs!

And I said nothing, I did nothing, but to stand there all day, as if waiting for someone.
For what else was a day in a mannequin's life like!

Cockeyed Notes

I yearn so much for you that it makes me go red with embarrasment.
Everyday I shamelessly look forward to the day I will meet you again.
The thought of having you for a full day, dawn to midnight, after a lonely week sends me so giddy that all other thoughts look petty and are forced to make way for you.

And when you do walk in, the music in me reaches a crescendo, deafening my senses.

Oh Friday, here you are, at my door-step today. How much I missed you!

Bottles, Dals and Kitchen decor!

Most of my pet-jars in the kitchen seem to have one or the other kind of dal. Some white, some round, some cut, some yellow, some small, some large. I don't have a clue what half of them are. Thanks to this great fact that you can't substitute one type of dal for another in any Indian dish, I ended up with all these varities. And with each visit of parents, one more new type gets included!
This weekend, as I washed and dried all the bottles under the sun I decided to do some dal-sorting. Most of the dals were beyond their expiriy date. Some jars even had a small, yet, thriving eco-system in them.
Idea! I had 3 pretty-OK shaped bottles. Few nice looking but not edible dal packets. And some time to spare.
So came up with these for my kitchen window sil :-D
Felt they looked nice!

(click image for an enlarged view)

Want to try? Its too simple to be explained in steps. So here goes some tips:

1. Ensure that the jars are perfectly dry before you begin this!
2. Take care to use a funnel to put the dal through narrow-mouthed bottles.
3. Masoor dal gives a vibrant look to it. Use it in plenty.
4. I used an old packet of rock salt for the white portion. Salt/Sugar can also be used.
5. I even stuffed a few dried-red-chilles near the top of the bottle.
6. You can add ANY stuff from your kitchen here. Don't stop at dals. I have added even a saunf layer!
7. And yes, you might have to sacrifice some of the good green-gram and other dals which you use frequently. Don't depend ONLY on the stuffs which have outlived their expiry dates!

That is it, I guess :-D
My attempt doesn't look all that neat. But I got so excited with the idea that I had to-had to-had to blog it :-p

On wedding Invitations/Response in Kerala

I can't be sure if this is an exclusively-mallu phenomenon but many Keralite would have come across such things at some point of their life.

Weddings, for the parents of Mallu grooms and brides, is a litmus test of their social-skills.Most often, they go much beyond litmus test and turn out to be a memory test, public speaking test,vocabulary test, writing skill test, management skill test and not to mention, physical and mental ability test as well.

And if you fail in any of these tests, there would be a sizeable fall in the number of guests, which is the only other parameter, along with the number of payasams in the sadya, that determine how "grand" the wedding was.

Now, what are the stimuli for a fall in the number/displeasure of mallu guests at a given wedding?

1) "He sent me an invitation over post! He is probably settled in Mumbai. But can't he come here and invite us all in person! We needn't attend this wedding. We shall tell him that we are attending Unnikrishnan's mother's niece's husband's brother's son's wedding on the same day! Halla Pinne! "

2) Now a look at the invitation. "Check this.. he has written 'We invite you with family'.. he has missed the word 'cordially' and he has addressed it to 'Mr. Gopalakrishnan and family'.. not 'Mr & Mrs. Gopalakrishnan & family'! Is this how you invite family! Bah!"

3) Now, suppose he did come all the way from Mumbai to invite in person, this is how things will move."Wedding is in Thrissur? How will we come? Have you arranged bus for all of us from here? What? Bus is from Trivandrum? You have not arranged bus from Cochin?? Thats so difficult!"

4) Now if bus is also arranged to have them taken from Cochin to Thrissur, there is another glitch. "Remember, when we invited him for our son's wedding last year, he didn't even acknowledge the invitation sent by post. And all he sent was a telegram wish. That was late by 2 days. Chetta, Should we go?"

5) Finally after much thought Chettan and Chechi decide to go. Along with them are chechi's sister, her kids and chechi's aged amma and achan. Once there Chettan again has a problem. Groom's Achan is not seen at the Mandapam's gate. Where is he! He should have come to welcome us!! After all, we are his grand father's brother's wife's sister's son and family!

6) Thats when he sees groom's father and mother on the mandapam, blessing the newly wedded couple and carrying out other rituals. Chettan remarks "See, this is why I told you we should not have come! That guy is busy on stage. He doesn't bother if we came or not!"

7) At the lunch, the exhausted father of the groom comes to say thanks to all the guests who have joined. At chettan's place "Hows the sadya?". Chettan says "It is great mone! Kalakki!" and once he leaves, chettan whispers to chechi "The rice is not even cooked well! And the pappadam is over!"

8) At the end of it all, chettan and chechi go to bless the newly wedded couple. The father of the groom asks his son "Mone.. you remember this uncle?". The groom gives that sheepish smile he has reserved for stranger-guests. "Aaah.... uhhhmm... no, we have not met I think". Chettan is disheartened but nevertheless gives a slap on the back of the groom and says "Aaah... how can he! He was a baby when I last saw him. See how he has grown! HAHAHHAHA" and that gurgling chortle continues for a good one minute until the videographer asks him to move out of the stage and asks the next family to come up!