On wedding Invitations/Response in Kerala

I can't be sure if this is an exclusively-mallu phenomenon but many Keralite would have come across such things at some point of their life.

Weddings, for the parents of Mallu grooms and brides, is a litmus test of their social-skills.Most often, they go much beyond litmus test and turn out to be a memory test, public speaking test,vocabulary test, writing skill test, management skill test and not to mention, physical and mental ability test as well.

And if you fail in any of these tests, there would be a sizeable fall in the number of guests, which is the only other parameter, along with the number of payasams in the sadya, that determine how "grand" the wedding was.

Now, what are the stimuli for a fall in the number/displeasure of mallu guests at a given wedding?

1) "He sent me an invitation over post! He is probably settled in Mumbai. But can't he come here and invite us all in person! We needn't attend this wedding. We shall tell him that we are attending Unnikrishnan's mother's niece's husband's brother's son's wedding on the same day! Halla Pinne! "

2) Now a look at the invitation. "Check this.. he has written 'We invite you with family'.. he has missed the word 'cordially' and he has addressed it to 'Mr. Gopalakrishnan and family'.. not 'Mr & Mrs. Gopalakrishnan & family'! Is this how you invite family! Bah!"

3) Now, suppose he did come all the way from Mumbai to invite in person, this is how things will move."Wedding is in Thrissur? How will we come? Have you arranged bus for all of us from here? What? Bus is from Trivandrum? You have not arranged bus from Cochin?? Thats so difficult!"

4) Now if bus is also arranged to have them taken from Cochin to Thrissur, there is another glitch. "Remember, when we invited him for our son's wedding last year, he didn't even acknowledge the invitation sent by post. And all he sent was a telegram wish. That was late by 2 days. Chetta, Should we go?"

5) Finally after much thought Chettan and Chechi decide to go. Along with them are chechi's sister, her kids and chechi's aged amma and achan. Once there Chettan again has a problem. Groom's Achan is not seen at the Mandapam's gate. Where is he! He should have come to welcome us!! After all, we are his grand father's brother's wife's sister's son and family!

6) Thats when he sees groom's father and mother on the mandapam, blessing the newly wedded couple and carrying out other rituals. Chettan remarks "See, this is why I told you we should not have come! That guy is busy on stage. He doesn't bother if we came or not!"

7) At the lunch, the exhausted father of the groom comes to say thanks to all the guests who have joined. At chettan's place "Hows the sadya?". Chettan says "It is great mone! Kalakki!" and once he leaves, chettan whispers to chechi "The rice is not even cooked well! And the pappadam is over!"

8) At the end of it all, chettan and chechi go to bless the newly wedded couple. The father of the groom asks his son "Mone.. you remember this uncle?". The groom gives that sheepish smile he has reserved for stranger-guests. "Aaah.... uhhhmm... no, we have not met I think". Chettan is disheartened but nevertheless gives a slap on the back of the groom and says "Aaah... how can he! He was a baby when I last saw him. See how he has grown! HAHAHHAHA" and that gurgling chortle continues for a good one minute until the videographer asks him to move out of the stage and asks the next family to come up!

Addicted to 55 words!!

Some more 55-stuffs :)

Goodbye Home

Mother thinks I am growing too big for my house and I should leave home now.
I think its not fair!
I am pushed out of my home. I can't fight back the force.
Flashes of light. Ouch, it hurts!
I cry my lungs out.
Somebody looks at me and shouts "Its a baby boy!"

SMS Birthday

Beep Beep. 1 new SMS. "Honey, I am caught in something important here! I shall reach late from work. Can you please pick your birthday cake on your way back from office? And don't forget to call me when you blow the candles and cut cake. I will wish you over the phone. Love you!"

The Red one or The Blue one?

She : "How is this blue one?"
He : "WOW!"
2 minutes later.
She : "Is this red one fine?"
He : "WOW!"
2 minutes later.
She : "And this white one?"
He : "WOW!"
2 minutes later.
She : "So which one do I buy?"
He : "I dunno. All of them looked great on you!"
30 minutes later.
She : "So which one do I buy? Red one?"
He : "I dunno. All of them looked great on you!"
30 minutes later...
She : "So which one do I buy? Red one?"
.........


versus

She1 : "How is this blue one?"
She2 : "Hmm.. good! You like those puffed sleeves?"
2 minutes later.
She1 : "Is this red one fine?"
She2 : "Great! suits you so well!"
2 minutes later.
She1 : "And this white one?"
She2 : "Ok-ish. Not as much as the blue and red."
2 minutes later.
She1 : "So which one do I buy?"
She2 : "Go for the red one!"
She1 : "Yup.. I loved that too!"
30 minutes later..
At home.

Moral : Women take LOTTTA time to shop. True, if her companion is a man.

Park Bench

Reading this was a pleasure which made me go deeper into this and here is the little wonder that the inspiration did to me:


******************************************************************
She was reading a book. I caught her glance and smiled.
She smiled shyly and went back to reading.
I sat next to her on the bench in the park.
She moved closer.
Till our hands touched. It rained.
I walked away. So did she.
Behind bars now. Never steal a Samsung mobile again!
******************************************************************

Home Alone.

Exhausted, I lugged myself home. It was Friday. I wasn't excited about spending the weekend alone. With him out of town, it made no sense to celebrate it on your own! I turned the key to unlock the door of my apartment. The key clicked. It made a loud noise in the silence of the night. Inside, I switched on the living room lights. The clock struck ten, making me jump. And the silence returned.

It started giving an eerie feeling and I felt strange being in my own home! I switched on the TV to break the silence. CNN IBN still had some news to end the day and the reporter was nonchalantly speaking about something. I let the TV be and went for a shower.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

While I prepared to go to bed, I texted him "Good night, I am scared to be alone!” Just then I heard a beep from the bed side table. "1 new message", showed his phone. How did he forget to take it along! Brushing my thoughts aside, I rang up mom next. She was worried like all moms about me spending a night alone.

"I'm fine, mom.” I lied, like all daughters!

MTV style check showed how to wear your scarf. Bah! I switched the TV off. Back in bed, something crossed my mind which made me sit up startled. MTV? But I remember watching CNN IBN! Or am I already too sleepy to remember? And just then I heard a noise which sounded like the balcony door swing. Had I not locked it? I slipped on my slippers and went to check.

Yes, it was swaying. There was a gentle breeze. It was a cold. Locking the balcony doors, I went back and tried to sleep. I probably thought I heard more noises; of clicks, thuds, but brushed them off. I must be imagining. I tossed and turned for some time. Then I recited a small prayer and shut my eyes tight.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I think I slept for a while before I was awakened by a loud thud in the living room. I woke up with a start and sat in my bed. I was sweating and my heart was palpitating. My hands had gone cold. I was now sure that I wasn't alone here, there was an intruder! Burglar! Will he kill me? God, help!!

I rummaged through the draw in the dark. Mustering all courage I inched towards the living room, armed with a pocket knife. And I waited there, with bated breath, for my intruder to make a move. Nothing happened. Few agonizing minutes passed, seeming like hours. Then I saw vague shadows of 3 people in the dark. I let out a gasp.. I was to fight 3!!! One shadow moved towards me.

My feet wobbled. Hands shivered. The shadow came closer and stopped a foot ahead. All of a sudden, I felt a large hand fall on my shoulder and I let out a blood curdling scream. Almost immediately, the lights came on and I saw my friends standing there, singing in unison "Happy Birthday to you!” And there he was, the shadow-guy who scared the life out of me, who should have been out of town, grinning in the corner, ready with a birthday cake!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

PS : Will keep editing this version :) Had planned to send this as an entry for the short story contest in office. Pour in your suggestions to improve! And thanks for the comments!!!

PS : Updated with final version.

[25th June,2009] PS : Btw, I won it :) Thank u all, for ur encouragement & comments!! I am giving this to you, my readers :)

What would you have wanted to do? vs What did you do?

This is a quickie.
I was on my way back home in the 8:00 PM can after work. A girl and a guy sat opposite to me, seemingly new joinees in the company.

She wanted to go to Kagadaspura and had boarded our bus thinking that would take her somewhere close to her destination.

Nopes, the bus was heading to BTM and I don't know if she realised that Kagadaspura was hardly 2 km from office, but in the opposite direction in which we were heading!

Somebody in the bus suggested she take an auto instead of going on this round-trip.

"Hey.. no yaar.. I hv just 40 rupees.. I can't go in auto."

Her guy-friend Mr.X laughed at her statement.
Then somebody said she could get down at BEML gate and take a direct bus to K'pura; which sounded like a great idea for her, and for her purse.

It was raining hard. The guy and she chattered loudly for all of us to hear(and let me add, in that bugging manner which guys think characterise girls - "hey no yeahhhhhh... why yeahhhhhh...seeee yeeeaahhhh" types) about petty stuffs..

She : "How much does it take to office from ur place by bus"
He : "Hmm.. 7 rupees"
She : "Oh.. it takes 9 for me yaar." (How sad! 2 rupees more!)


Some more less-than-10-rupees-money-talks continue to the point of saturation of irritation for the other bus mates. The way the guy spoke had started getting on my nerves and I developed an instant hatred for him.

She : Why do you want to go to marathahalli today yaar... its raining.. (so concerned! duh!)
He : Those people have my jeans ready..should collect it today yaaaaarrrr..
She : (pleading) But its raiiiiininggg...
He : Ohh.. I love rains...
Me : (to myself)grrr..Shut up, will ya!
She : Do you have a cap?
He : Cap? Yeah... way back in Kolkota!
Me : SIGH!!!!

Fortunately, the bus had trudged close to BEML gate by then and I was happy that one of them would go away. Our Mr.X now started showing some fake-concerns for madam.

He : "Hey, you know how to go from here?"
She : "No, but he said I could get a bus from here".
He : "Hey.. in case you have any problem naaa... " (trails off)

I thought he was about to give her his number and ask her to make a call.

He continued "Go back to office and take the 9:30 cab..ok?"

And just when she was about to get down, he asked the next stupid question.

He : "Hey.. do u need some money??? If you want I can spare you 30 or 40 bucks, you know!"

And she looked so pathetic when she said "Yes, I need. Please give me.."
He drew out his wallet and out came many 100 rupee notes.. and he fumbled with them until the driver told madam to get down.

When she said "Ok..never mind" and was about to get down.. he promptly put his wallet back. Shameless!!!

By now everybody in the bus was feeling bad for madam. Some good guy in the bus screamed.. "Hey, take some money from me" My hands moved to my purse and I wanted to give her some money. And also some good piece of advice that there are working ATMs in office, that nobody comes to office on her first day with just Rs.40 in purse and that you should learn to let go of friends who not only refuse to help you when you need them but also add to your headache. And I wanted to tell the guy "You are the biggest jerk I have ever met! I can't understand what kind of a friend you are!". But I don't know why; I didn't do both.

The girl got out and walked in the rain. I don't know when she reached home.

I felt bad I didn't grab my purse and give her the money. I felt bad that I didn't scream at the guy. I felt bad that I didn't act.

How many times have we thought I would want to do this, but never did.. and the moment passes, leaving you in deep remorse?

What would you have wanted to do and what would you have done? Let me know :)

On Lunch boxes - specifically, post-marriage-lunch boxes

My classmate in college said his office was moving to the same building as my office and we were discussing about catching up after such a long time (well, let's ignore the fact that he was just a few buildings away for many months now and the "catching up" has never bothered to happen even then!!) Aah.. so while on the topic he joked(I hope it was!) that I could bring him packed lunches from home, now that we were in the same building.

And when I typed in the honest reply that neither me nor hubby dear takes lunch from home and so if he needed a dabba, I would have to cook lunch exclusively for him, he replied with a "thats not nice.. these days husbands.. " and trailed off.


Right... these days all husbands have lunch boxes. A husband without a lunch box is like a woman undergoing domestic violence at her home, a violation of human rights!

I dug deeper and here goes my analysis.

1. Symbol of Marriage
   Today, young girls (traditionally N.Indian, but these days, just about anyone!), soon after their wedding are observed to metamorphose into an Unidentifiable-Talking-Object (UTO). The change is dominant on the first day of joining back to work. A I-love-rugged-jeans type will be seen in the demure-est salwar-kameez, full with the bright red sindoor, chunky mangal sutra and red bangles covering both arms. And needless to say, the change will wear off after some time when they find their lost rugged-jeans again. So the men folks felt left out and decided to announce their weddings in their unique styles - lunch boxes - colored ones, tupper-ware ones, good ol' stain steel ones, triple deckers, you name it, they have it!
   


2. My-Wife-is-the-Best syndrome
   To bring your lunch box indicates your wife wakes up early in the morning, takes her bath at 5, makes you b-fast, makes yummy lunches, packs your lunch box and is there to see you off to office, everyday. What more does he want! :)At work, I know your heart fills up with pride when you stand in that queue for using the microwave while others wait for their poison-for-the-day (read as : cafeteria lunches)
   


3. Sizes don't matter
   Probably you fall on the wrong sides of the BMI and you are one of those who ate two full-
   meals for lunch, apart from the orange shake and fruit bowl, before you got married. But post-wedding, when the lunch boxes come into picture, it really doesn't matter how much you eat; what matters is what you eat. So its perfectly fine to bring a lunch box half the size of your snacks-box in school; for you don't want your 'lunch kit' (to be described soon) to be bigger than your laptop case!


4. The 'lunch kit'
   Lunch boxes are not be hidden inside your back-packs. They should be proudly displayed in an ergonomically designed bags called 'lunch kits' or 'lunch bags'. Some lunch boxes come with a 'built-in' bag with features including keeping your "lovingly made" food warm. If your lunch box is not as lucky as these you can use eco-friendly bags made of recycled-paper or jute. Whatever the case, take care to sling it on your shoulders and walk with your heads held high.

Closing for now, as it is time for my lunch :) No, nobody packs me lunches. If at all, I would have to do it. And fortunately, hubby dear doesn't mind me not packing him one :)

PS1 : There are frauds here as well. Most people who bring lunch boxes don't qualify for point #2 if their wife follows only the first half of the "lovingly cook" phrase and they have appointed a cook to do the second half.

PS2 : Btw, no offense intended at anybody! Am just plain jealous of people who bring their lunch boxes :-p

PS3 : Pic courtesy : As always : Flickr Creative Commons! I simply loved it!

Chumma oru Story...

There goes another Chocolate Fantasy..
and the last spoon of ice cream melted to take the shape of the plate.. like it had done for the last 55 weeks. This week is no different.

She saw his gaze fall on her and their gazes met for a brief second, before she looked at her watch again, for the 50th time in the last 45 minutes.
He took her hand in his. She dared not look up to meet his gaze... she hadn't dared to, in the last 55 weeks.

She knew what was coming. Another 15 minutes would pass by and they would pay the bill and walk away.

Only to repeat this again next week.

Wouldn't he ever tell her? Or even ask?

She gazed at her watch once more.

Then thinks of playing the will-i-get-lucky game today, to spend the 15 minutes!
So she decides; if he calls my name before the seconds hand on my watch reaches 12 again, he loves me.
Else, he loves me not.

With baited breath, she waits, hopes, prays, that he utters her name just once..
Past 50 seconds, and nothing has happened. She looks at his fingers stroking her wrist.
5 more seconds. She can't wait anymore.

"John.. "
and he replies "Shhhh..".

Defeated and disappointed, she looks down, tears welling up in her eyes.
She has lost the game.

Through the film of tears, she looks at the second hand of her watch take the last 3 seconds.

But wait.. Oh my God.. its stopped... its not moving!!!

John smiled to himself as he hoped Annie wouldn't have noticed how he had pulled at the tiny knob in her wrist watch.. he wanted the time to stand still when she was with him..

Open Letter to the Auto Driver.

Dear auto-driver,

I decided to write this as an open letter on my blog after I got terrified at the thought of you writing about the incident on yours!!

This is the same girl who you had dropped from the Tech Park to HAL bus stop for Rs 40 at 9:00 on 8th April. Aah... I can read from your face that you remember me! How can you not! I know you are laughing now! Never mind!

Now I think I should have taken the first auto rikshaw that was parked at the entrance. The guy had demanded 50 bucks and as always I looked up at the sky and reminded God that I had made a request about slapping at least one auto-wala.. when was He granting me that wish?

God looked down and asked me to count back from ten and relax this time. After some attempt at negotiation, I thought he would be ok for 40, but that guy called out to all the other guys parked there .. "aaaaeeyyy... 40 rs..HAL.." and immediately you had sprung on your feet and called "banni madam..banni..".

My head was cloudy after the really really tiring day and I sunk into the back seat and remember saying "HAL bus stop" and then noticed that the memory card had slid out of my N73. There were some warnings on the screen about it getting corrupted and the theme got reset to the default Stave one. I tried to push it back but it just wouldn't get latched in position. I lost all patience! I pulled it out and dropped it in my purse.

Your auto roared past HAL school almost brushing another auto. The signal was red when we reached and I decided I would alight there and cross the road than go over the other side. I extended the 100 rupees note to you and you replied "no change madam".

Bugged, I searched my purse. A 100 rupee, a 10 rupee and and a 20 rupee was all that I had. And yeah, a sodexho booklet too.

Me : Aapke pass 50 rupees hai?

You slowly brought out the fat bunch of folded notes from your pocket. A 50 rupee note was the last one wrapped. Beneath that was a 10 rupee note and then some more. In a rather clumsy manner, as if not able to make out what I had in my mind, you gave me the 50 rupee note (but didn't give the 10 rupee note! why??? Coz I didn't ask, I know!! :( )

Wearily, I took the 50 rupee note from you, and gave you the 100 rupee note. Then on second thoughts, took another 10 rupee note from my purse and gave you that also! And boy, you are a good actor! And the little amount of surprise you showed when you looked at the 50 rupee and 10 rupee note was not visible to me in the dark! Having double-checked that my smart calculation was right, I walked out.

At the bus stop, just when I was about to sit down and wait, realization stuck me like lightning that I had given you 60 bucks instead of 40!!!! And being from the insincere Bangalore auto tribe, I can't expect you to return that extra 20 then!

Listen, (most) mistakes do happen to people (like me), especially ones involving math. I am hoping you would read this and return my 20 rupees. Please :)

Yours,
mathematically poor,
Me.

Me-Me-Its-all-me-tag from Ammu..

Got tagged by Ammu.

Kept pushing it off because I had this feeling that I would stop it at 10, max 11 :) And
worse still, my readers would stop it at 2!

But then, I get this feeling that I shouldn't post anything else when I have a "tag-debt".

So here we go, 25 stuffs about me..
(Zzzzz??? Hey there, wake up!)

I ..

1. Discovered that I can be extremely-patient or extremely impatient. Extremely-patient with myself, extremely-impatient with everybody else, that is! There is nothing in between called just "patience".
2. Love moisturisers so much that I get panicky when my bottle is empty.
3. Love doing up my home. Wouldn't mind emptying my purse for that!
4. Am a Die-hard retail therapy devotee. The '%' symbol followed by 'OFF' or the word "Free" can drive my logic out of the window!
5. Suck at eating vegetables, more so, if they come as salads!
6. Have this habit of right-clicking on desktop and clicking on 'refresh' repeatedly when I am on phone.
7. Frequently get hurt when moving around the house ... either dashing against the door, hurting my toes moving furniture, banging my head somewhere... Sand calls it "common" these days and doesn't bother!
8. Fantasize what I read in books.
9. Am easily fascinated by good photographers.
10. Love chatting - face 2 face, internet, anywhere!
11. Have had really insane crushes in early teens, but dropped to nil during late teens. That, in fact, got me worried!
12. Don't give alms to the beggars on street.
13. Can't still believe the way Sand walked into my life!
14. Am not a gadget-freak, but love Red Coloured Sony Vaio :)
15. Read all fortunes and week-ahead columns in newspapers and mags.
16. Hate guys who do their hair long, wear ear-rings, jazzy clothes, rings, tattoo and xtra-low-waist jeans barely clinging on to their hips and showing their Calvin Klein underwear!
17. Love it when Sand cooks me his special pasta :)
18. Respect working mothers and feel they need to be appreciated more.
19. Cry easily watching movies! Tears of joy as well as sadness!
20. Am very choosy about movies... I usually end up not liking a particular movie rated great by friends.
21. Have worn braces for almost 3 years and when the dentist had no intention of removing it, I lied to him that I would be getting married in a month, and so I want them to be removed immediately!
22. Love my school days more than my college days.
23. Get dizzy looking down from tall buildings.
24. Am scared of frogs and cockroaches.
25. Managed to finish this tag!!! Hurray! Are you still with me? :)

Am not tagging anybody in particular... if you like it, take it :)

Take me..

Have been dreaming of a holiday since last week.
Am tired of seeing purvas, shobhas and rohans standing brushing one another's shoulder, looking gray and dull, with hundreds of match-boxes style houses...

Take me,

Where the grass is still green & moist with dew...


Where the roads don't lead to junction with signals..

Where the end of the rainbow is visible

Where the spring is a celebration.

Where shady trees meet..

Where you spend time blowing bubbles..

Where you notice that red flower among the yellows..

Where you walk hand-in-hand with your best friend, and its not exercise!

Where flowers don't have garbage dumped on them...

Where houses are painted pretty-pretty...

Where roads lead to nowhere, yet make a great journey...


Image Courtesy : flickr Creative Commons.

Paper boat

Gentle push
by loving hands.
Rhythmic nudge
by docile waters.

Shining sun
to keep it company.
Set sail
carefree.

And then
Wind blew.
Rains lashed.
Currents swept.

Caught unaware
by God's rage
the wet paper boat
fought all night.


And its no more.
Thats right.
For, have you ever heard
paper boats getting lucky?

Madhur Bhandarkar's "The BugFix"

Aha! I caught your attention :) OK, there is no movie by that name (yet!) and I only wish he made an attempt at this one. I can guarantee that it is going to break all box office records till date and will run in packed halls for more days than witnessed by sholay and ddlj.



For a person who makes umpteen "realistic" movies, a request like this from an innocent software engineer would ideally be a cake-walk. And in the times of recession, it becomes the "need of the hour"!

So what can go into the making of the script? Suggestions welcome. I have come up with my own tiny list that Mr. Bhandarkar can refer to :)

1) Konkona Sen Sharma should be unanimously declared the protagonist. She should be a level-2 software engineer (not more than 3 years of experience)

2) The Protagonist should be a skilled software engineer, but struggling to find her spot in the company among other 50,000 employees.

3) Other trivial characters can include lots of hunk-kind machos, all preferably gays, one of which would be the protagonist's point of interest. Preferably, he is her module lead.

4) The plot revolves around Ms. Sharma where in she is given a complex bug to fix from her client and the schedule is, as expected, hard to meet :)

5) The journey she goes through in the effort to fix the bug, fighting adamant managers and project leads, plotting co-workers along with the tortures of cafeteria-served bad lunches and poor appraisals form the centre stage.

6) For a change, Mr Bhandarkar can introduce a twist at the end of the movie. As the deadline approaches for our heroine, she is still in the requirement analysis stage of the waterfall process and is at a loss as to what is to be done.
That is when there is a breaking news in one of the "popular" news channels about a major financial scam that has happened in her company, where in the MD is accused of performing the magic trick of vanishing crores of rupees into thin air.

7) The media from the Page#3 get their 5 minutes to fame too.

8) The future of the company is hanging precariously and the salaries are uncertain.

9) That is when our heroine fixes the bug against all odds in such a spectacular manner that the client is sooooo happy (clap!clap!clap!) that they decides to acquire the defamed company and save all the employees!

10) Title song by Sukhwinder Singh plays as the names of all employees scroll up the screen. "Bugfix ka he yeh jalwa...yeh jalwa..yeh jalwa.."

THE END.

PS - Quality Contributions to the plot by Sand. Thanks :)

While you were away..

The way I missed a step
slipped and fell
while I walked up the stairs
too busy texting on my cell

The way today's lunch tasted
with potatoes uncooked
And how we had to wait
for all the tables were booked

The way I caught
my cubicle mate dozing off
facing the screen saver
his monitor had switched off

I told you all this
And as always
you didn't respond.
Coz those were your ways.

And then I saw
your green button become orange
and saw it draw
hands of clock on them

Thats when I realised
much to my dismay
that I had typed
while you were away.

For the "2-minute-rukh-sakthe-hai" types!

Today I pay due respect to the omnipresent curly substance of our everyday life which comes in a bright yellow pack and which when added in boiling water and cooked for 2 minutes yields hot and nice-smelling dish called... yes, you guessed it right, Maggi Noodles:)

The popularity of the dish is obvious by the nature in which it finds its acceptance among all age groups in India. To think of it nobody calls it noodles, or even Maggi Noodles, its called just Maggi!! In this light, it can be compared to the success that Xerox achieved in the world of printing and copying. These days nobody looks for a 'photo copy' or a 'copier', instead you ask the guy at the STD/ISD shop to "take a xerox" of the page, and when moved closer towards South-eastern side of India, its apt to "take a jeraaaks".

So going by the trends and calling it by its pet name we see that Maggi is so powerful yet versatile that it becomes break-fast when eaten at 8, lunch when eaten at 1, snacks(!!) when eaten at 5 and dinner when eaten at 9. Its like this wonderful-dream-come-true operating system which never cribs and can never go wrong whatever way you use it! And what more, with Maggi by your side the Indian Constitution prevents you from declaring that you don't know cooking! It comes in handy when your cooking qualifications are subjected to scrutiny during "interviews". " So what can you cook?" "Err...I can make tea, coffee...uhhmm...and yes, Maggi :)". The impression is favourable, trust me. You will clear the "interview"!

On one hand as Maggi fan-followers grow in numbers in social networking fan clubs and babies ponder switching from Ceralac to Maggi, its only natural that the number of nasty e-mails circulating "gossips" about Lady Maggi also shoots high, call it the effect of celebrity status!

According to them Maggi's "goooey texture" is made of boiled udders of goats and sheeps, and the magic powder inside those silver sachets contain the worst of chemicals, enough to make all moms in India go panicky and ban the food in home. Not funny. I was a victim.

But Maggi's fans are the most loyal ones on earth. They strive harder and harder to optimize the 2-mins cooking even more. Some revelations in this regard can be found by googling for it. To get you curious, did you know that you needn't really cook it on fire for 2 mins?? You could just add it into boiling water and close the lid just like you would make the easier cup-noodles! :)

I can't help but smile when I see tiny toddlers watching their mom draw out a packet of maggi from the shelves in the super market and pat comes the question "Mommy, when are you making me Maggi?" :)



Long live Maggi, the crucial life-saver of bad cooks, bachelors, lazy couples and many others!!

PS - Analysis of the effects of Maggi in the lives of Software Engineer couples has been avoided on purpose :D

Love in the times of Recession :)

Matters of the heart is facing a setback, and for all those who care, those impromptu gifts might show up late this year or probably early next year.

For now, its the age-old tried-and-tested love statements that might do the job :)
Here goes, a bunch a roses and a heart felt wish.
"Happy Anniversary! You make a great hubby! I love you!!" :)

Plant a Thought.

I am smitten by a new hobby. Gardening.

Two pretty white flowers bloomed in the balcony of the apartment opposite ours. Like all other infatuations of a woman, this also was triggered by a "neighbour's-envy-owner's-pride" case. I don't know anything about rearing a plant, but I wanted a plant as well, at any cost!!!!

From the time I remember, I have never been too involved in making a garden. One among the handful of incidents was when we planted a sapling on vanamahotsava day in school and I have no clue what happened to it later. Watching mom "waste" an entire Sunday forenoon session digging up the soil and cutting plants and soiling her clothes and slippers was what gardening meant for me! And I didnt fancy doing all that and getting dirty!

But never mind the past. This weekend, 4 people whose total Gardening Quotient (GQ) didn't exceed 20 found a nursery where we could get saplings. "finding a nursery" was another long story since nobody was sure if the nursery my hubby dear used to see on his way to school 15 years ago still exist or not and after much speculation and help from shop keepers and confused strangers on the roads, we found that it did exist!

We were welcomed by a 45-50-looking man wearing a lungi and shirt. There was a whole bunch of plants to choose from, I noticed!
Me : "Oru chedi venam" (We want a plant)
He : (a little surprised with my innocent request) ok..
Me : (Smile and stand, coz I can't explain anything more!)
He : (Smile and stand, coz he can't help me unless I speak more!)

After a few minutes of agonizing silence for the 3 people who accompanied me, I cleared my throat and attempted to explain what I was looking for..
"ee apartmentile balcony-il vekkaan oru chedi venam. Chedi valuthaavaruthu. Poo okke venam. Valya kashttapaadonnumillaathe poo undaakanam. Anganathe ethu chediya nallathu?"(I want a plant that I can keep in the balcony of my apartment. It shouldn't grow. It should have a lot of flowers. Without too much of effort from my end, it should bloom. Which plant should I take?)

Obviously, he didnt like my requirements! So he didnt answer my question, but motioned me to take a look at the plants in the nursery.

I would point to each plant and ask the same question "itu valuthaakuo?" (Will this grow?) and after committing a few mistakes by replying with a "ohhh...nallonam valarum" (yes, it will grow really well), to which I responded "ohh..enna venda" (is it? then I dont want it) he strategically started answering with "illa, valare slow growth-a.. 4 years edukkum" (its got a very slow growth, takes 4 years to grow even a little). Hmm..smart!

Soon the 4 of us dispersed to four different directions that the confused gardener lost track of us! The impression that he had of us when we walked in smiling was probably all washed out, for he was seen scratching his head and wondering if we would leave him free and get lost! He would never have seen so many fools in one frame!

Finally we narrowed on a few pots of marigold and daisy-like flowers. 20 rupees each was a big deal, I thought. In Bangalore, this would cost me atleast 60 or 70!

4 faces looked carefully at the marigold pots.
FIL : "Itinu valam okke engana?" (What do we add as manure?)
He : "Chanaga podi ittal mati" (You can add cow-dung)
chorus : "CHANAGAMO???? Atonnum kittilla avde!" (COW-DUNG?? We don't get that in Bangalore!)
He : "Jaiva valam.ellu podi aaylum mati" (any bio-manure. you can add crushed bones also)
me : as if that is easy!

Then there was this discussion on how to re-plant it once we go home, how many times to water, how much to water, how to take it in car and many more how-tos and we were done. Marigolds, it was! In another 10 minutes, we walked out, each with a marigold pot in hand.

A 10 hour long tiring journey in car and here they are, my marigolds and daisy-like plants, dropping dead in my balcony. Sigh! But I do want them to bloom!

"I told you so"

I look at myself in the mirror
And I tug at my cut mane
Shouldn't have done it so short
And you stroke them and say
"I told you so"

I try to fix my broken doll
glue smeared all around
Oops, my fingers are glued
And you look at them and say
"I told you so"

The brand new pink tees
lay untouched there
It makes me look so short
And you smile and say
"I told you so"

I toast the bread
A little more than usual
Burnt bread for b-fast.
Yet you have them and say
"I told you so"

I guess I never learn
from the mistakes I make.
For I love the way
You hug me and say
"I told you so"

Friday Fun 'and all'.. :)

Saw it on a mailing list today.
I fell off my chair reading, re-reading, re-re-reading :)))



Three cheers to 'Indian English' :D

Past, Present and Future Tag ..

Tagged by Gasper !

In fact, I thought I would do only a portion of the tag, The yesterday, Part A alone and make it into a post. But then I decided to play fair and take up the entire thing :)

But I will definitely add a new post just for that section in my next post :)


The tag:

Two questions in each category answer them and then tag your friends from the blog-o-sphere.

(Simple enough right?)

Leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged and you are all set.

I. Yesterday

A. Your oldest memories

Aged around 3 - Bro left for school, and I got bored at home!

1) Watching and waving at people on the road for 3 hours in the morning, over the compund wall. It was a complicated process. I wear my "blue-n-white hawai slippers", and to reach the wall, I needed to stand on my right leg on the remains of a cut tree. My left leg would be wrapped around my right one. In due course of time, my parents discovered a mysterious hole appearing within 2 weeks of having bought the slippers, and interestingly, only on the right slippers, of every new pair :))
2) Waiting for "orange", the man who used to sell oranges. When he came near our gate, he calls would get extra louder "Waaaaaoooorangeyyyy". Dad used to get one for me every day :)

3) Looking for hours at the Monalisa painting hung on the wall at home and telling everybody that its Mommy's picture :) Well, I was damn sure it was.. :)

4) Mannu theetta :)) Yep.. its too embarassing! But I used to love eating the soil!
This is aged around 2! Mom would come running in panic the moment she hears this call "Mommmmyyyyyyyyyyy..... Sooryaaaaaaaa....... mannnnnnnuuuuuu...... thinnunoooooooo". If she reaches before the word "mannnuuuu" ends, she spanks me on my hand, if late by a word, she has to dig her fingers into my mouth!

5) Dad forcing a bulls-eye into my mouth and me screaming the world out! Ammamma
looking pathetically at me. PJ enjoying his bulls-eye at the dining table. In fact, playing with it by gently jiggling the gooooey yellow centre. An hour after the ordeal, I puke on the sofa as a mark of truimph :D The first and last bulls-eye I ever had!


Aged 4-5.

6) Getting ready to school. Holding dad's index finger with all my fives and crossing the road.

7) Fights with Dhanya to get "side-seat" in bus :)

8) PJ cutting characters out from my new UKG english work book and making shadow-puppets!!!!!!! And me crying.

9) All the "Chess Championships" with PJ and Gouthu etta, with my "exterptise in
defence", a single game would go for a whole day!!!!! Then I would lose with Gouthu etta, and I would cry! Finally ammamma would play with me (she doesnt know how to, but I didnt know it then) and lose , just to make me happy about my "bronze medal" :)

10) Dahlia teacher beating me up in UKG, for talking in the class. My legs were pink, with marks of the cane, but I can't believe, I didnt cry at all!

11) Proudly singing "vara veena" for english oral test in UKG, when asked to sing
"any rhyme". This option was given after I admitted I didnt know "Johnny Johnny" and "Little Miss Muffet"! Maggie teacher complained to bro. Complaint being "your sister doesnt know any rhyme. Why is she so dumb when you are so bright!" :-S

Aged 6

12) Enter KVK, the best times I have ever had. Scoring 100% in all subjects in 1st
Std and surprising my mom. My mom had lost hope in me in terms of studies after the "vara veena" incident!

13) First steps into painting. Drawing the yellow-n-orange lil bird in every page my
rough book :) (Rough sketch on MS Paint)
A year later, PJ used to make me draw one painting every day after I am back from school and only then let me go out to play! He would carefully stack the sheets and keep it safe somewhere. I wonder where they are now! :)

Aged 7-8

14) PJ watching UGC programs on Doordarshan!! There would be this guy who has a neat
handwriting. He would draw different kind of triangles with a black marker pen and write some stuff. PJ in rapt attention. Make a small noise, and you are dead meat in his hands! :)

15) First books... sifting through "The Three Bears".. reading "When Daddy was a
little boy" for the 100th time... Sunny's Stories from Muthacha's collection...Biju mama getting us books each time he came to see us...


Well..ending here :) Will continue in a new post :)


B. What were you doing ten years ago?


1) In 9th std in KVK. Busy with Social Science Projects... we had made a model of the Apsara reachtor at BARC.

2) The VMS(Vaish-Malu-Soo) club in full swing! Science experiments done in Vaish's
house. "Making bacteria".. looking through her microscope at ants..small stuffs.. :)) our hugely successful VMS lending library business and selling hand-made greeting cards and book marks to friends and family and spending all the money :))

3) Made papier-mache with atta, maida and news papers and stowed it under Vaish's bed and forgot about it. Vaish's mom detected some very very very bad smell in her room, but never knew what it was! Even we didnt realise, until the maid pulled the stuff out from under the bed and ohhh mannnn... :(

4) Mills and Boon... more Mills and Boon :) Followed by crushes..crushes...more
crushes;)

5) Table tennis tournies and walk-outs :)))


II. Today

A. Your first thought in the morning

Trrring...Tringgg...alarm goes off at 6:45.
My mobile calendar showed an event : Corporate Anniv.
Today, I complete 3 years in the industry :)


B. If you build a time capsule what would it contain?

1) It would contain all my diaries I have maintained in my teens. I would want my daughter(when I have one :)) to read them when she goes through the same age as I was when I wrote them.

2) Few of my fave clothes. Just want to look at them later and think how small I was :)

3) Some special e-mails, threads, chat logs exchanged between me and you-know-who :), to read them later on and to make my day


III. Tomorrow

A. This year…

Is almost done.. am not looking forward to anything great till dec..

B. What do you see yourself doing 14 years from now?

I would be 39 years old!!! I would be seen packing lunch boxes, hurrying through the
daily routines and running for my cab (yeah, I am sure I wouldnt have perfected the art of driving a car even then!) to take me to office. I would probably be checking my gmail.. gmail would have some really great features... and well... would be a happy female for sure
:)

I tag.. nobody in particular. If it fascinates you, take it up:)