Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Curious Case of Kuttan @ Wipro

They say that any stone you throw in Bengaluru will invariably land on an IT professional's head. I say any stone a Mallu(1) throws in Bengaluru will invariably land on another Mallu's head. Putting two and two together, lets all say that there is a ver huge probability of you listening to a "Poda #$%#%. Ninde okke appanu kallu perukkal aano da pani(2)" when you throw a stone in Bengaluru.

And so with that great "Law of Kallu-on-a-Mallu" explained lets move to a problem I frequently faced sometime ago.

Precisely, the one and a half "fresher years" of Wipro days. Those were the times when IRCTC was friendly, Kallada Travels did not mean Impossible and weekend trip home was not that big a chore to be planned months in advance.

In fact, meeting relatives and friends were also not a big deal. And so was attending somebody's wedding. Or a temple visit.

A common episode that followed in such occasions.

Random Person is RP from now on.

RP : "Are you working in Bangalore?"
Me : "Yes, RP Uncle/Aunty."
RP : "Which company?"
Me : "Wipro."
RP : "Oh Wipro? My sister's husband's sister's son also works in Wipro."

(Comment: Corollary to "Law of Kallu-on-a-Mallu": Any Mallu back in Kerala can, at any time, produce a list of at least 4 other Mallus he/she knows who works in Wipro AND TCS AND CTS AND Infosys in Bengaluru - Yes, I mean 4 separate lists - mind you!)

Me : "Is it? That is nice. Wipro is a very big office. "

(Comment: That is my way of telling them to stop that thread from going to the exact direction I feared. Nevertheless, nobody bothers to pick that hint!)

RP : "He has been there for 2 years now. Campus placement."

Me : "OK. That is nice. Which office is he in? "

(Comment: The hint is lost in the sea of Nadaswarams I guess. RP is keen on continuing the thread - in that same direction which I didn't like)

RP : "Bangalore Office. Wipro. "

Me : "There are four big Wipro offices in Bangalore. And few smaller ones."

RP : "Athonnum ariyilla (I don't know). All I know is that its in Bangalore."

Me : "What is his name, RP Uncle/Aunty?"

RP : "Aiyyo mole. I don't know his real name. We call him Kuttan at home. "

Me : (Smile)

(Comment: I knew what would come next. I had to "discover" a Wipro-ite who cannot be searched on the company database, is tall, fair, curly haired from Mannarkkad. My lone clue : he is called "Kuttan" at home.)

RP : "He is very tall. And fair. His hair is curly. "

Me : (Smile)

(Comment: Yeah, it was not a great info. I guessed that anyways!)

RP : "Molkku kandupidikkaan pattuo? (Can you find him?)"

Me : "Not without his full name, RP Uncle/Aunty. We have a database and we need the name to search it. "

RP : "Oh. OK. I think his name is Arun. I don't know his full name. He is very tall and fair. You can't miss spotting him in a crowd. "

Me : "OK." (Smile)

-----------------------

Well, now you know why I quit Wipro ;-)
Since then I have moved to a company where the probability of the existence of a Kuttan or a Baiju is remote. So people change topic the moment I mention the name of my current company. But for people who remember the fact that I was in Wipro once upon a time, the story remains the same!

So how many Kuttans have you tried hunting for in Wipro? :-p



Note:

1. "Mallu": I have not used this word to offend any of my Malayali brother/sister. I am quite comfortable being called a Mallu. I understand many of you might not be. Apologies, if this hurts.

2. (Not effectively) Translated to: "Get Lost! Does your father pick stones for a job?"
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